Some days it feels like there is so much BS to wade through. Thick and sticky, and generally unpleasant. We (I) have to keep moving. Moving water is the best. Stagnant not so good. Choices have to be made that upset people. This is life. I’ve been called to die to myself, and that is a daily battle for me. My SELF wants to make everyone happy and buy everything, say YES to everything, even when it’s not wisdom. But I have been called to walk through this BS, and die to myself. So if that means saying no… I’m sorry. I’m moving forward, diving into to the freshness of new life . Come what may.
Author Archives: angie wirthlin
Love…the choice.
Summer is a party for the earth. A celebration for creation. When you are sad, or worried, or stressed out by the dailies…it’s hard to engage in everything that summer has to offer. I’ve been guilty of this, and I want OUT ! Out of my head, and into my heart. So, I write. I put my head down and I let words emerge without a thought of what the conclusion of my thoughts might be. Sometimes it’s me, and other times, it’s clearly Jesus. So here goes….my path out of my head, and into my heart.
Love bears all things, Love bears all things…..
Love doesn’t see the writing on the wall, Love doesn’t watch as you fall, but will pick you up if you call
Love just keeps on giving, Love bears all things
Love doesn’t forget your face, Love doesn’t try to put you in your place
Love just keeps on lifting. Love bears all things
Love doesn’t give you what you deserve, Love doesn’t care what dinner you serve
Love just keeps on coming back for more, keeps right on knocking on your door
Love bears all things…..
Love doesn’t kick you out, or leave when you shout
Love teaches, and tries. Love bears all things
Love lets you walk away, wakes up new each day, surrounds you, and holds you tight, never reminds you who won the fight
Love takes a beating, it’s worth repeating, again, and again.
Love breathes, and grows….Love breaks, and heals, Love is alive and bears all things
Shake your tree
I have parented / am parenting four children. There have been exhausting seasons like when they were 8, 3, 1, and newborn. I was tired, I have very few memories of that time. There have been chaotic seasons like when they were 13, 8, 5, and 3. Going to small group with out my kids saved my life. My children all got saved at early ages, the average between them was 5 years old. I was tickled, we celebrated that life choice, and then tried to guide them through what that meant. I am now in a season of prayer for my older kids that they will see that choice they made so long ago….it does come with strings, it is a surrendering of a life to Christ. When your children are little… that seems simple, bible school and camp , songs about the power in the blood, and it feels like it is all still in your hands as the parent.. It is not a one and done my little babies. A life of surrender breaks down into daily surrender, and the good news is there will be evidence. God is so scientific ! He created science, he would not leave us with out proof of life in him. That , to me is an AHA moment. The proof is in the fruit you bear. So child like and simple. In this season , I am reminded of these things, because now that they are 21, 16, 14, and 12…the fruit that is growing on my tree isn’t always fruit of the spirit, sometimes its less than patient, and less than kind. And so , this too is an exhausting season, but for different reasons. They think they know everything, literally. I will end this sermon with this thought…Some of today’s youth are blinded by the message of GRACE ( I love grace, it is a gift and that is my love language, so thankful for God’s Grace) But hear this, IF YOU DON’T KNOW HIM,( JESUS CHRIST), GRACE and all its loveliness , isn’t yours. If you know him, you will bear fruit that is sweet and good, you will exhibit self control, and patience…or at least try to. The job of parenting never ends, as far as I can tell. And I would be doing my kids a disservice if I pretended that at 5 years old they could fully understand what a life surrendered to Christ meant. But at 21, 16, 14, and 12 they should have a pretty good idea what it looks like. I should apologize for the preachiness of this post, but I won’t because it has been weighing so heavily on me, and we have had numerous conversations about it at home, some things have to be said. If you want all that Jesus is offering, grace and mercy….KINGDOME LIFE, you have to KNOW him. When the wind blows, and the storms of life rage, what kind of fruit falls off your tree?
Where my trust is without borders…..
We all know the words to this song, it’s beautiful, and I sing it with a strong determination to do those things that are out of my comfort zone. For the past few days I’ve been praying for not so little lion boy. Actually , I should write a book titled just that…prayers for my little lion boy. It’s a subject that I know well, I am good at it, I have years of experience. But today there was something new. I asked for help from my spirit, help me pray, help me ask…show me how to move God’s heart with compassion for me and for my son. And then I heard that familiar song. And a new prayer started to fill up my spirit.
You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown, where feet may fail
You made me this child’s mommy, an adventure that I could not have fore seen, or dreamed….I may not succeed, and I’m scared.
And there I find you in the mystery, in oceans deep , my faith will stand.
I get down as low as I can, on my face…questions, and pleas for this family, this little guy of mine. And its in those time that I find you, in those desperate, low as I can get…. moments, you give strength to look in the face of faith, and grab it even.
And I will call upon your name, and keep my eyes above the waves, when oceans rise…my soul will rest in your embrace, I am yours, and you are mine.
Just saying your name is the step forward that I need to take, and suddenly I can see beyond the hateful words, and the spitting in anger, the boy wrapped in the blanket under my desk is yours, the same as I am. Your arms are here for both us.
Your grace abounds in deepest waters, your sovereign hand will be my guide, where feet may fail, and fear surrounds me…You’ve never failed, and you won’t start now.
The gift of freedom is mine, and I find it when I am over my head, out of my own understanding. You always answer me, you guide me with wisdom that I can’t pretend to grasp…you speak directly to my spirit when I can’t see the promise of hope. I beat myself up, and you comfort. You have never forgotten, or forsaken me or my little lion boy. We are scared, but sure in the extravagance of your love for us. You are steadfast.
Lead me where my trust is without borders
Help me to see my way through, when love is hidden from sight, and anger and hurt are the headlights in the night….help me to speak kindness, when none is being spoken to me. Help me to trust even when the ground I’m standing on is crumbling. When my soul is being torn to shreds, help me to reach out beyond my borders to hold his hand. I am your daughter, and I am his mother….I am yours, and he is yours. We belong to you, treasures to be mended. I pray that you are moved to intercede for my family, and so many others. Lead us into the terrain, the deep waters, the magic woods, that are our children…and as we call you, show us which path to take.
Amen
Gifts
When your kids are little, Mother’s Day is awesome . It is a day to stop and rest. To have your kids and husband say out loud that they love you, and know how hard you work.I have a box of handmade cards and crafts, posters, and love projects. I love that box, and every single gift in there , but this year one of my favorite gifts came from my grown up daughter. She didn’t acknowledge how hard I work, instead she acknowledged how hard I try . She said I was real. I needed that. I’ve asked The Lord if she could see that. I’ve prayed about that exact thing.
And he turned around and loved on me in the perfect way…. Through her.
So happy Mother’s Day right back at you Sid. I see how hard you try. I know how deep you love. Layla is blessed.
musings.
Freckles like constellations on your face lead me to a distant place.
Turtles in buckets, and hobbit feet, remind me that life is fast and slow, that I want you to grow, but never go. 
My thought life….a dark comedy.
I am a big chicken. I am a big lover of baths. I do not take baths when no one else is home. Ever. I have an irrational fear of having an intruder come in on me while I am in my natural and most vulnerable state….The bath. The other night everyone went to the gym, it was night time, I was finished with the day, needless to say, I stayed home. And more than anything, I wanted to soak in the hottest , soapiest water that I could stand. Dilemma!! There’s no one else home, perfect time for a home invasion , right? Well, now you see how my mind works. I got my firearm out, racked and ready to roll. I laid it on my stack of fluffy white towels, and proceeded to draw my bath. Yes, I said draw my bath, it’s much better that way. I got in, laid back. Sat up , what was that? The noises were non stop. Not really. Just in my wet head. So I made a detailed plan. Got out and locked door, this would give me time to get my hand dry and on my weapon if I needed it. Then I realized, my intruder would be shot and crumpled in my tiny doorway…. How on earth would I step over him NAKED to get out of there?? Throw a towel over his face to shield his eyes, and run for it? Drape a towel over myself and run? I’m afraid there are just no good solutions. And no more baths when no one is home. You are welcome for this look inside my head.
Around the world…
It was a slow come back today. Spring break was wonderful, and tiring ! I told Isaiah last night that I wanted the two of us to snuggle our way into this Monday morning. And so we did. He got in bed with me, and we lounged, we rubbed feet, and talked about Spring break. We got up, we eased on into coffee and waffles, and started school. It was slow going but good. I had every intention of going to work in my office after I had done the instruction part of our day. I really did. But then, it was beautiful, and we took the dogs for a long walk….obviously, I needed a shower after that. As I came down ready to face the next part of my day, I heard the thump thump thump that means my son is taking a break from his work to play basketball. Yeah, I had two choices …get mad that he was playing, or get holier and join him. I walked outside, and he started explaining the game around the world. I watched for a minute, and then he said ” Wanna play? “… Why yes, yes I do !! He was surprised, and tickled. He encouraged me on the hardest shots, and gave me pointers, he made me feel better when I missed, he showed me great empathy, and then when I beat him, he cheered, and was so happy for me, went so far as to say maybe I should play women’s basketball. ( I am 5’3 on a good day) My son looked at me and said, – you are awesome, I can’t think of another mom that would come outside and play basketball, not just one game but two. Then he hugged me, kissed me, and thanked me. That’s not everyday, but that was today. I never made it to work, I went around the world with Isaiah instead.
Truth and dirt.
Sometimes I have a piss poor attitude. Don’t get me wrong, it’s justified. That doesn’t make it right. I am giving ownership of the afore mentioned attitude to Jesus. I have to. It’s toxic. I have been so stressed out over every little decision that my kids are making lately, that I literally have an ulcer. That is not abundant life. That’s BULL. And now, I have to give credit where credit is due…Erin had such a timely word this week ! She said that the Lord had showed her that she was no longer the blossoms on the tree, but that she was the root system now…growing deep underground. As she spoke, I envisioned what she was saying…my mind could see and even smell the dark, rich soil where the roots are growing, and spreading through. It was beautiful and revealing. There is a season of flowering, but it gives way to a time of maturing, of standing strong. I have given my kids all my attention, all my heart, and now I have to trust that the Father is holding them. I don’t want to squeeze the life out of them, I want to hold on loosely. Now is the time for me to enjoy, my root system is in place….the sweet fragrance of the deep is all around….aaahhh.
paper trees, a paper sun, and real life….
Oldie but a goodie. Reblogged.
Parenting is so much more than Mother’s Day programs, and paper trees in a cafeteria. If you have a teenager, or a high needs child, then you already know this. If all you have is a toddler, or a new baby….you will find out. Don’t be offended by me, you didn’t know how hard marriage was, until you did. And you didnt know how gravity would affect your body, until…..it did. And so it goes, it takes time to understand some things. I have been married for almost 15 years, and I have a teenager who doesnt want to be parented anymore, an almost 13 year old, whose mood swings are only rivaled by my own, a 10 year old who wants to be a solid gold dancer, and the baby of them all, who is 8, and very high need. I have some experience. Today there was snuggling, yelling…
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