Today is about trying as hard as I can to shoot kindness with the precision of an arrow , straight to the heart. Never mind the fact that I’ve been agitated, tired, and generally surly. With each step , it’s getting easier. Even this, gray, rainy , regular day is shaping up to be …extraordinary . We’ve managed to get school done with minimal yelling by either of us. And best of all we have been inspired to do some projects!
I am not giving up on finding the perfect balance between education and adventure, imagination and intelligence … Love and discipline. There are days when I don’t get out of pjs , and Thomas makes the dinner. Today started out like that , but I refused to give in. We are going to be okay. Starting today.
It was a slow come back today. Spring break was wonderful, and tiring ! I told Isaiah last night that I wanted the two of us to snuggle our way into this Monday morning. And so we did. He got in bed with me, and we lounged, we rubbed feet, and talked about Spring break. We got up, we eased on into coffee and waffles, and started school. It was slow going but good. I had every intention of going to work in my office after I had done the instruction part of our day. I really did. But then, it was beautiful, and we took the dogs for a long walk….obviously, I needed a shower after that. As I came down ready to face the next part of my day, I heard the thump thump thump that means my son is taking a break from his work to play basketball. Yeah, I had two choices …get mad that he was playing, or get holier and join him. I walked outside, and he started explaining the game around the world. I watched for a minute, and then he said ” Wanna play? “… Why yes, yes I do !! He was surprised, and tickled. He encouraged me on the hardest shots, and gave me pointers, he made me feel better when I missed, he showed me great empathy, and then when I beat him, he cheered, and was so happy for me, went so far as to say maybe I should play women’s basketball. ( I am 5’3 on a good day) My son looked at me and said, – you are awesome, I can’t think of another mom that would come outside and play basketball, not just one game but two. Then he hugged me, kissed me, and thanked me. That’s not everyday, but that was today. I never made it to work, I went around the world with Isaiah instead.
The past couple of months have been rough with little lion boy. Good, but rough. More emotional outbursts, more of the words…I hate you, and more tears on my part. We are homeschooling, which takes the pressure of going to school off of him. On the flip side, it puts a ton of pressure on me. Pressure to teach him what he is required to know for 6th grade, pressure to do it right. Sometimes I forget that there is no one standing in the shadow waiting to tell me that I am not doing enough, or doing it wrong. So I have not been the most flexible with our schedule, the Lord really brought that to my attention last night as I prayed for wisdom during, yet another, emotional outburst from my son. The Lord also brought up the fact that with our new business,( and new puppy too) that we had been preoccupied, and not giving enough attention to little lion boy. It’s been the holiday season, every kid has had parties, plans…issues. Which has lead to impatience, aggravation, and whining. and that was the grown ups ! Fast forward to yesterday with me in bed, praying…asking what can I do ? What am I missing ? So simple. I heard it loud and clear. My little lion looks strong, and brave, but in fact after so many years of battling school anxiety, administrators, parents expectations, try this and try that strategies, no gluten, no sugar…fish oil….He is dry, and brittle. The least little request, or criticism sets him off. It’s no wonder, that’s a lot to deal with. So… we are specifically setting aside the next 6 weeks to pour oil onto this little lion, to watch what happens when we say- the job, the friends, the activities, and yes…even the homeschool, it all comes second to filling him up. Moisturizing, and bringing back to life the places that have become so brittle from the battles.