There are dry bones and broken places. Yes. And, there is water , and healing enough for all of it. Cupping my hands to drink this morning, getting down low, the spot where I know …. My breath is prayer, and every prayer changes the atmosphere . There is joy in the small, and beauty in the morning routine , three teenagers dressing, eating, asking, arguing , singing, and walking out the door. There is a small wind and sweet smell blowing in my back door. I inhale as deeply as I can…prayer. It’s as still and as loud as it can be , all at once. There is an army rising but the weapons ,and the violence look vastly different than what I imagined. The weapons are tiny seeds planted, and the fighting is as gentle as that breeze blowing in.
Sometimes it takes everything you’ve got . Sometimes you stumble at the start, but you have heart , and that my lion boy is going to be the weapon that helps you finish well. You are amazing. You are strong , and I am so proud of how hard you work . I knew you were a runner in the spirit, a leader in your pack of peers, but now you are a runner in the natural! A sweaty, beautiful runner. I love you Z!
It’s been 2 years since our last first day. It’s always exciting. Little lion boy is not really that little anymore , he is taller than me now. I said goodnight last night, and his face was so full of hope, his eyes so full of courage. I see you there Jesus, in him. And I feel your love , through him. I am grateful for every day that I have with this boy of mine. He has changed me.
And so we begin again. A new day… Everyday. Walking by faith , and when we stumble, or even if we fall, we are going to be just fine. Our hearts have a hope that is bigger than our hurdles. As I write, love wells up in my eyes , and runs down my face. Fear is a sea that has been parted for me and my son today. We will walk through it. We will need your help again tomorrow Jesus, but we can talk about that then.
I can’t stop. I’m crying, and I’m laughing. It’s like rain on a sunny day. Unexpected , and beautiful. One of my best friends was at the camp with my 3 teenagers this week. She was behind the scenes , interceding and praying for hearts and minds. She texted me to say that she will never get over the things she saw. She had some specific prayers for my kids, and saw breakthrough . I am humbled to have friends that love my kids, that know my heart so well . I am down as low as I can go thanking Abba for his great love for me , and for my kids . They are not alone, he will never leave them. He sees each one. He sees Adam and his mans heart, strong and steadfast, but sometimes rigid, and he sees Belle in all her beautiful light, loud and bold, but sometimes , safe inside her box, and he sees Isaiah , the lions heart, the funny, friendly, creative , open spirit, he knows that Isaiah internalizes things so deeply that his wounds are frightening and fierce, he sees them and he knows. He knows that my heart beats for them. He sees the grown up children too. And the parents. He sees them too. And so I sit, waiting to go pick up my campers, and I cry, and I laugh. And I am not alone.
My past is like a city in ruins, and my future is written in gold script. Beautiful and bold. Which way should I be looking ? I’m looking forward with a firm grip on the here and now. I don’t have to worry , because the plan is laid out. The crooked paths made straight . A hand to hold. Beautiful thoughts that carry so much weight. In every day real life , there will be struggles, there will also be enough grace . There will be sadness, but the joy is there too , every day, little moments like bubbles rising … Joy. You have to have eyes open to see it, you can’t be looking backward . For now , there is wind, and sun, and a sun hat ! There is a boy running around here saying “mom”, there is a girl at school who gets up and faces 9 th grade bravely each day, and a young man who comes home from 11th grade and still holds me tight. There is a young woman who is finding her way, day by day and learning to love in the best way. These are the bubbles of joy rising over me right now , today. I won’t look away.
Nest: to fit perfectly inside each other. Ex- nesting dolls.
Yeshua is mine, he lives on the inside of me, and fits perfectly there. I belong to him, and he carries me in his body, in his heart. I never need to thirst again. Living water is running through the canals and infrastructure of my person. I can operate from a place of contentment out of this knowing that the work is done, we fit perfectly inside each other. From that place of lotus land (paradise) I can feather my nest, give my best, set the stage … For my children, my husband, my family and friends. Simply because the HE, the living well , the prince of peace and provision and even patience …. Is enough.