We all know the words to this song, it’s beautiful, and I sing it with a strong determination to do those things that are out of my comfort zone. For the past few days I’ve been praying for not so little lion boy. Actually , I should write a book titled just that…prayers for my little lion boy. It’s a subject that I know well, I am good at it, I have years of experience. But today there was something new. I asked for help from my spirit, help me pray, help me ask…show me how to move God’s heart with compassion for me and for my son. And then I heard that familiar song. And a new prayer started to fill up my spirit.
You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown, where feet may fail
You made me this child’s mommy, an adventure that I could not have fore seen, or dreamed….I may not succeed, and I’m scared.
And there I find you in the mystery, in oceans deep , my faith will stand.
I get down as low as I can, on my face…questions, and pleas for this family, this little guy of mine. And its in those time that I find you, in those desperate, low as I can get…. moments, you give strength to look in the face of faith, and grab it even.
And I will call upon your name, and keep my eyes above the waves, when oceans rise…my soul will rest in your embrace, I am yours, and you are mine.
Just saying your name is the step forward that I need to take, and suddenly I can see beyond the hateful words, and the spitting in anger, the boy wrapped in the blanket under my desk is yours, the same as I am. Your arms are here for both us.
Your grace abounds in deepest waters, your sovereign hand will be my guide, where feet may fail, and fear surrounds me…You’ve never failed, and you won’t start now.
The gift of freedom is mine, and I find it when I am over my head, out of my own understanding. You always answer me, you guide me with wisdom that I can’t pretend to grasp…you speak directly to my spirit when I can’t see the promise of hope. I beat myself up, and you comfort. You have never forgotten, or forsaken me or my little lion boy. We are scared, but sure in the extravagance of your love for us. You are steadfast.
Lead me where my trust is without borders
Help me to see my way through, when love is hidden from sight, and anger and hurt are the headlights in the night….help me to speak kindness, when none is being spoken to me. Help me to trust even when the ground I’m standing on is crumbling. When my soul is being torn to shreds, help me to reach out beyond my borders to hold his hand. I am your daughter, and I am his mother….I am yours, and he is yours. We belong to you, treasures to be mended. I pray that you are moved to intercede for my family, and so many others. Lead us into the terrain, the deep waters, the magic woods, that are our children…and as we call you, show us which path to take.
It feels like I am spending my life on a Merry-Go-Round. What’s fun as a kid, can make your stomach hurt as an adult. I am getting used to working now, the getting up early, and going to bed early. BUT, I hate waiting for the weekend, and I hate how fast it flies by. Round and round we go…. kid’s stuff, cleaning, pay the bills, plan the week ahead…and what of you Lord? The one my heart needs so much, the one I love….I’m squeezing in between birthday parties, and cleaning the bathroom. I need more. I am trying to write more poems, and love songs to you….less blues. You say that I am stronger than I believe, and I ignore you, and wrap up in a blanket of my need. Help me to slow down in my head, to treasure my drive to work, my drive home, the times that I am alone with you. Give me an anticipation for those moments. I know you will, I feel it already. Thank you. Make me present in every moment, not thinking about tomorrow. How simple it sounds, how ridiculous it feels to write it. Most of all, just keep on showing up when I call you….goodnight.
I talk a lot about my kids on this blog. A whole lot of lamenting, as well as boasting. Today, I will be boasting, but I know better than anyone pride goes before a fall, and so I will preface this post by saying I cannot take all the credit for the decisions my kids make, good, or bad.
This one, here to the left, is a freshman this year, he is V.P. of his class, running on the XC track team, and part of the civil air patrol. He is a good boy. Yesterday he asked permission to ask a girl out. Without a doubt, there was a part of me that wanted to panic, and maybe even cry a little. But the main part of me was overjoyed that he was sharing this with me. That he is handling it on the up and up. He is listening to me as I talk about perimeters , and boundaries…it sounded like a strategic battle meeting, and still he heard me out, and agreed to my terms.
Now this one, here to the right…she is a hand full, I always say she is just like me, but she is not…she is so much more. I gave her a hug before church this morning, and stuck my hand in her pocket ( I’m just like that, I snoop, I suspect…its a problem).
I pulled out a tiny, folded piece of paper with an – AHA ! I opened it up, tears came when I realized that it said…you are beautiful, Jesus loves you, Live for him. Yeah. Her goodness surprised me. That made me feel bad, but it was a short lived emotion, because I was too busy PRAISING GOD that she KNOWS him. And so, I am praying today. If you have sons, and daughters, small, or big….join me.
Abba- There is a generation rising up to meet you, to know you. I know because my treasures are part of that generation. They are calling you. Answer them on the first ring, the first ring Papa. They are calling out through the darkness of the culture that surrounds them looking for your light. I’m asking that you not let their call go to voice mail, but that you will pick up on the first ring. Love you- Angie