Tag Archives: faith

just KNOWING Abba is right here.

This day. 

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Today is about trying as hard as I can to shoot kindness with the precision of an arrow , straight to the heart. Never mind the fact that I’ve been agitated, tired, and generally surly. With each step , it’s getting easier. Even this, gray, rainy , regular day is shaping up to be …extraordinary . We’ve managed to get school done with minimal yelling by either of us. And best of all we have been inspired to do some projects! 

    I am not giving up on finding the perfect balance between education and adventure, imagination and intelligence … Love and discipline. There are days when I don’t get out of pjs , and Thomas makes the dinner. Today started out like that , but I refused to give in. We are going to be okay. Starting today. 

Where there’s a spark…

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If you’ve known the heat of God’s heart , if you’ve looked into the fiery eyes of love, then you know… It knows no bounds. Even if you feel like only ashes remain, there is an ember. A slow burning spark. Let the breath of God be the wind that starts the fire burning again. Look out. Women are waking up. We are hearing … Enough is enough …in our spirits, and we refuse to be shut up , or shut down by the voices that speak against us. The darkness that tries to creep in on us and cover the fire is irrelevant in the light of day. The vines that try to grow around my heart and squeeze it silent, are cut away, severed by the sharpest sword of truth. And once again…With the realization of god’s love for me I set out on the road before me, and I plan to blaze a trail.

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Im making plans to….

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Simplify, cut back , say no to the mediocre in my life , to make space for the extraordinary in my life.
Say yes to the
the things I love… Say yes to more time with the people I love. Yes to….
Chocolate shops
Coffee shops
Antique shops
Fall days
Eating outside
Clean sheets
Listening to the sound of a heart beat
Walking briskly
Laughing
Coffee in bed
Bathrobes
Candles
Birthday cake
Windows rolled down
Holding hands
Speaking life over my kids
Fresh flowers
Neck nuzzling
Dice tossing… Card dealing, game playing… Fun
To be in love, and to give love….
Love. The kind that makes you weak in the knees, makes you forget that you are mad, or right, or poor, or rich…. The kind that remembers your first date, and your last kiss.

Come to me

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Young girls that are hurting are vulnerable . They are easy targets for the wolves at our doors. I know from experience the search for love will lead you into exile. Even girls who love the Lord will find that there are weak spots in their armor , when the the world becomes their refuge . The only help, the only way to derail this pain train is Jesus. And of course , Holy Spirit. The same word that God used for woman in genesis , is the word that means Holy Spirit. Helper, nurturer….the peace in the midst of chaos. Heavy heart today for the young ones out there today. The ones searching. Praying that they find truest love in their grasp . And for the older ones who have looked for years and still don’t know….He is all you need, His love is bigger than your past and present .

Come to me
Sit with me
Let me hold you and rub your hair
Come and lay down what you’ve had to bear.
I will hold your tears, give back the lost years.
Just come.
I’ll whisper and I’ll sing a song just for you
The words strong, the promises true.
Come to me, little baby ….I see you.

help from my friends

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Sometimes I get tired. Really tired. Tired of getting up, tired of getting dressed, tired of seeing people, tired of smiling, and frowning…tired of all expression. Are you starting to get what I am saying ? Today, while perusing Instagram, pretending to know all of the fashion bloggers that I follow, I came across someone that I actually do know. She posted lyrics, and a video to a song that was wrecking her today. I love when people are wrecked, and even in my tired state, I had energy for this…the suggestion of worship, the invitation to join in the wreckage had been extended. The whisper of the word FATHER touches me in places that I can’t get to on my own. I played the song.
rock a bye baby , come and rest
you’ve been tired lately…lay your head down
don’t you think maybe I know best…I’ve been a father for a long time.

Yeah. That. Thank you Lora, I needed it so. I get by with a little help from my friends, and the promise that my father knows best.

The beautiful mess.

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We had another good day. I woke up sick, and still… It was a good day. Filled with beautiful messy things. Dishes , dogs , science, and math, attitudes, kisses, traffic jams, and projects . I wouldn’t trade a minute of the life I have been given, the hearts that I am stewarding ….are my treasures. Some days I don’t say that on this blog, or out loud. But I always know it, and I hold onto it. I’m right where I am supposed to be. Every morning is new ! And who knew that science used to be filled with GOD ? Isaiah and I have been learning that this week. How lucky am I to be 40 and still learning something new everyday? No, I haven’t taken some kind of happy pill today. I’m just remembering 9/11 , and my friends whose lives have ended too soon, and the ones still struggling today to keep their faith. Remembering all of that, and sitting peacefully and gratefully in my beautiful mess.

Love…the choice.

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Summer is a party for the earth. A celebration for creation. When you are sad, or worried, or stressed out by the dailies…it’s hard to engage in everything that summer has to offer. I’ve been guilty of this, and I want OUT ! Out of my head, and into my heart. So, I write. I put my head down and I let words emerge without a thought of what the conclusion of my thoughts might be. Sometimes it’s me, and other times, it’s clearly Jesus. So here goes….my path out of my head, and into my heart.

                     Love bears all things, Love bears all things…..

                     Love doesn’t see the writing on the wall, Love doesn’t watch as you fall, but will pick you up if you call

                     Love just keeps on giving, Love bears all things

                    Love doesn’t forget your face, Love doesn’t try to put you in your place

                    Love just keeps on lifting. Love bears all things

                    Love doesn’t give you what you deserve, Love doesn’t care what dinner you serve

                    Love just keeps on coming back for more, keeps right on knocking on your door

                     Love bears all things…..

                     Love doesn’t kick you out, or leave when you shout

                    Love teaches, and tries. Love bears all things

                   Love lets you walk away, wakes up new each day, surrounds you, and holds you tight, never reminds you who won the fight

                   Love takes a beating, it’s worth repeating, again, and again.

                   Love breathes, and grows….Love breaks, and heals, Love is alive and bears all things

 

                    

               

Shake your tree

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I have parented / am parenting four children. There have been exhausting seasons like when they were 8, 3, 1, and newborn. I was tired, I have very few memories of that time. There have been chaotic seasons like when they were 13, 8, 5, and 3. Going to small group with out my kids saved my life. My children all got saved at early ages, the average between them was 5 years old. I was tickled, we celebrated that life choice, and then tried to guide them through what that meant. I am now in a season of prayer for my older kids that they will see that choice they made so long ago….it does come with strings, it is a surrendering of a life to Christ. When your children are little… that seems simple, bible school and camp , songs about the power in the blood, and it feels like it is all still in your hands as the parent.. It is not a one and done my little babies. A life of surrender breaks down into daily surrender, and the good news is there will be evidence. God is so scientific ! He created science, he would not leave us with out proof of life in him. That , to me is an AHA moment. The proof is in the fruit you bear. So child like and simple. In  this season , I am reminded of these things, because now that they are 21, 16, 14, and 12…the fruit that is growing on my tree isn’t always fruit of the spirit, sometimes its less than patient, and less than kind. And so , this too is an exhausting season, but for different reasons. They  think they know everything, literally. I will end this sermon with this thought…Some of today’s youth are blinded by the message of GRACE ( I love grace, it is a gift and that is my love language, so thankful for God’s Grace) But hear this, IF YOU DON’T KNOW HIM,( JESUS CHRIST), GRACE and all its loveliness , isn’t yours. If you know him, you will bear fruit that is sweet and good, you will exhibit self control, and patience…or at least try to. The job of parenting never ends, as far as I can tell. And I would be doing my kids a disservice if I pretended that at 5 years old they could fully understand what a life surrendered to Christ meant. But at 21, 16, 14, and 12 they should have a pretty good idea what it looks like. I should apologize for the preachiness of this post, but I won’t because it has been weighing so heavily on me, and we have had numerous conversations about it at home, some things have to be said. If you want all that Jesus is offering, grace and mercy….KINGDOME LIFE, you have to KNOW him. When the wind blows, and the storms of life rage, what kind of fruit falls off your tree?

Where my trust is without borders…..

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 We all know the words to this song, it’s beautiful, and I sing it with a strong determination to do those things that are out of my comfort zone. For the past few days I’ve been praying for not so little lion boy. Actually , I should write a book titled just that…prayers for my little lion boy. It’s a subject that I know well, I am good at it, I have years of experience. But today there was something new. I asked for help from my spirit, help me pray, help me ask…show me how to move God’s heart with compassion for me and for my son. And then I heard that familiar song. And a new prayer started to fill up my spirit.

 You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown, where feet may fail

You made me this child’s mommy, an adventure that I could not have fore seen, or dreamed….I may not succeed, and I’m scared.

And there I find you in the mystery, in oceans deep , my faith will stand.

I get down as low as I can, on my face…questions, and pleas for this family, this little guy of mine. And its in those time that I find you, in those desperate, low as I can get…. moments, you give strength to look in the face of faith, and grab it even.

And I will call upon your name, and keep my eyes above the waves, when oceans rise…my soul will rest in your embrace, I am yours, and you are mine.

Just saying your name is the step forward that I need to take, and suddenly I can see beyond the hateful words, and the spitting in anger, the boy wrapped in the blanket under my desk is yours, the same as I am. Your arms are here for both us.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters, your sovereign hand will be my guide, where feet may fail, and fear surrounds me…You’ve never failed, and you won’t start now.

The gift of freedom is mine, and I find it when I am over my head, out of my own understanding. You always answer me, you guide me with wisdom that I can’t pretend to grasp…you speak directly to my spirit when I can’t see the promise of hope. I beat myself up, and you comfort. You have never forgotten, or forsaken me or my little lion boy. We are scared, but sure in the extravagance of your love for us. You are steadfast.

Lead me where my trust is without borders

Help me to see my way through, when love is hidden from sight, and anger and hurt are the headlights in the night….help me to speak kindness, when none is being spoken to me. Help me to trust even when the ground I’m standing on is crumbling. When my soul is being torn to shreds, help me to reach out beyond my borders to hold his hand. I am your daughter, and I am his mother….I am yours, and he is yours. We belong to you, treasures to be mended. I pray that you are moved to intercede for my family, and so many others. Lead us into the terrain, the deep waters, the magic woods, that are our children…and as we call you, show us which path to take.

                                                                                                                                                                                      Amen

 

Truth and dirt.

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ImageSometimes I have a piss poor attitude. Don’t get me wrong, it’s justified. That doesn’t make it right. I am giving ownership of the afore mentioned attitude to Jesus. I have to. It’s toxic. I have been so stressed out over every little decision that my kids are making lately, that I literally have an ulcer. That is not abundant life. That’s BULL. And now, I  have to give credit where credit is due…Erin had such a timely word this week ! She said that the Lord had showed her that she was no longer the blossoms on the tree, but that she was the root system now…growing deep underground. As she spoke, I envisioned what she was saying…my mind could see and even smell the dark, rich soil where the roots are growing, and spreading through. It was beautiful and revealing. There is a season of flowering, but it gives way to a time of maturing, of standing strong. I have given my kids all my attention, all my heart, and now I have to trust that the Father is holding them. I don’t want to squeeze the life out of them, I want to hold on loosely. Now is the time for me to enjoy, my root system is in place….the sweet fragrance of the deep is all around….aaahhh.