It has been a wonderful, exciting, fun filled weekend. And, its not even sunday yet ! We are so happy to be surrounded by friends who believe that JESUS heals, and that He loves, and that He lives !  So…to all involved, thank you ! We had a great time !

oh happy day ! Erin Justice Hamby Littleson.. I love you. I hope your birthday is wonderful, and I hope your husband gets you something extravagant.

                           Thank you papa for Erin and thank you for placing her in my path, her view of you changed me. Thank you that you work out the most intricate, delicate, amazing plans for each one of us. Thank you. I love you.

                                 And THANK YOU for MIRACLES !! You have outdone yourself. Every baby is a miracle, but when you laugh in the face of science and give your children the desires of their hearts….your glory cannot be denied. I love you so much.So, on behalf of my friends L and D, I praise you. And for creating my soul sister (erin) I praise you.I dont even know how to praise you like I want to. I dont want to be held down by my feet, and the limitations of my voice…what I want is to fly right into your heaven and thank you face to face. Can you arrange that ?

One of my favorite (of all time) worship songs says, “though you slay me, I will trust you…though offended, I will cling to you.” SO GOOD. After visiting friends in charlotte this weekend, I realized that I had been harboring some offense toward the GOD that I walk with and worship. It feels so good to give it up. I feel like I had to hash it out with God( with the help of wise friends, that I trust),and I feel like God made his point. He HAD to put the pressure on me in order to shift my way of thinking, and maybe even my heart.So…even though I am not where I thought I would be right now, God has a gps and he knows exactly where I am, and how to use me right now !

                   How many of you reading this proclaim to God that you will follow him no matter what ? How many of you ask him to break your heart that you might know him more ? how many of you ask him to change you from the inside out ? And how many of you will be OFFENDED when he gives you what you are asking for ??

I just finished reading the book THE SHACK, which is a story about my worst fear. God gave me the strength to read it, because of the truths that were waiting for me there. Here is what I know….most of what I do is done out of fear. Even the simple things about me. The need for organization comes from the fear that I will lose something important if it is not ALWAYS where it is supposed to be. The rules that I so diligently repeat to my children constantly come from the fear that they will be selfish, godless people and that ultimately,I will have failed. WHAT ???? I’m not saying there should not be rules, I’m saying examine the heart behind it.

            I have a fear of lawlessness, but under Jesus, we are lawless. That should not be scary, it should be freeing. If we are in relationship with him, no law is required to keep us in line. I am looking forward to teaching my kids this new way of thinking. My hearts desire is that the relationship they have with me will keep them in line. Just like GOD wants my relationship with him to be enough to cast my fear away, and walk tall in world under no law, but filled with the knowledge that I am loved and loved and loved.

What would it be like if the Lord would let us FEEL him put his arms around us ? Physically, what would it be like ? What would it be like to be so close we could smell his skin, to breathe it in again and again ? what would it be like to recognize his laugh, or the way he walks ?

           My friend has shared some time with him, seen his sense of humor..knows how tall he is (which is not very). I am jealous. I have come to a place where it is my desire to have him come, physically manifest before me and let me breathe in his smell. Is that too weird for some of you ? oh well…the truth shall set you free, or make you seem like a weirdo. whatever. The point is simply this…I’m not satisfied, I want a visitation from the Lord and I am going to bug him about it right now. 

                                   how about you ? I want to know if anyone has seen him, or is like me and asking to see him. gotta go.

There is a vision that I’ve had for so long, that it is in fact so covered with dust that I had to put on a mask just to write about it.

                    Here is the problem, its been in the closet for so long that I nearly forgot it was the Lord who gave it to me. I accepted it, and I took a lovely piece of pride and wrapped it up. That was not quite enough protection for this vision, so I added layer after layer of fear, until you could not see or hear the vision anymore.

                     I am so sorry Lord, I let fear be my king

                     you are the author, the owner of every single thing

                    And so, this thing that I’ve been keeping for myself

                    I lay it down right now, I lay it down right now

                     So glad that I can see, with out you….its no good to me.

I have always known I was a strong-willed person. I have considered this one of my less than attractive traits…..until now. God created my will. Its as if there is a dial 1 to 10 and for each of us, he chooses where to set it. He knew me before he created me in my mothers womb, he knew the obstacles I would face, the trials and the triumphs. HE CREATED MY WILL. And he set it just right.

                          He did not want my decisions and affections based on obedience, but on friendship with him. I have done things out of obedience to God for a lot of years, but not now. I make choices now with our relationship in mind. I am making an effort to be consumed by him and that changes the way I think.

                                   God knows the good, the bad, and the ugly about me. And so, when I ,the strong-willed, selfish, scared little girl that he knows so well….turns to him out of love and love alone, IT MOVES HIS HEART and CHANGES HIS MIND.

we are home from the beach. ahhhh. I know it sounds crazy, but we are happy to be back. Our kids are at the age where they can body surf and jump waves all day long, we all need a rest from our vacation.It was nice, Isaiah caught his first fish ! Thomas told him that ,for luck, fishermen kiss their catch. So, naturally Isaiah kissed his fish right on the lips !! very exciting stuff.

                     I want to give a shout out to Isabelle my 8 year old. She sees me writing all the time, and I believe she too, has been bitten by the bug. So today, instead of my stuff, here is hers. (just the way it was given to me)

                                     jesus

                         you pertect me….so

                        we praise you, we dance for you

                        we sing for you, we jump for you

                      we twirl for you

                            we pray to you, we listen to you

                     we are happy when your there

                    we are never are afraid when your with us……..isabelle wirthlin

Today is 14 years since my first date with Thomas. I was 20 years old ! That seems impossible. Thomas was/is so charming. I fell hard from the very start. Somehow  I just did not see how I could live without this arrogant, funny, smart man with the worlds best legs. He still has the best legs, and he is strong enough to carry me around(if that is ever necessary).

             Seriously….we have both grown up so much, and now we share 4 kids..crazy. The wonderful thing is, we love being mommy and daddy, but even more than that, when we are alone, we are still thomas and angie….2 people that love being together.It just keeps getting better.

Yesterday I wrote that I had to own who I was, in order to disown who I was….in continuation of that, I have more to say.

                        I gave up who I used to be, I made vows to the Lord….I took his name, there is no going back. There is nothing to go back to. There is only worship. Worship as a mother, a daughter, a sister, worship as a wife, worship as a way of life.

                                  On sunday mornings I may dance around and shout out the name “yeshua!”, I can’t help it. He created my body for worship, and I physically long to worship him, just like I physically long for food, when I am hungry.I can’t break free of the way he loves me. God is good all the time.