How DOES he choose who to use ? Beats me. Someone once told me that I had great promise, and therefore there would be a great process. I am still in that process,learning all the way. For instance, I had to OWN who I was in order to DISOWN who I was. Are you following me ?

                             David was a murderer

                                Leah was ugly

                             jacob lied and manipulated

                           Jonah ran like a coward

                          Samson was a womanizer

                       Rahab was a whore

                        and last but not least….Lazarus was dead.

     HE USES WHO HE CHOOSES!!

                             turn me, burn me, change me, rearrange me

                              turn my gaze, turn my praise

                               choose me, use me

                              theres only you…..

     KIDS ARE SO AMAZING !!! Adam is always bored at school, he feels like it is a waste of his 10 almost 11 year old life. Seriously, he can feel his life slipping away from him while he sits in that classroom day after day. scary. Anyways…he came up with a great idea for a debate, to keep the boredom at bay, these last couple of days. He proposed to his teacher a debate on whether or not global warming is real. I was impressed from the get go. They have not completed the debate yet, but adam spent hours working on it last night. He has lots of scientific documentation that makes Al Gore look pretty foolish, but his main point is that in the bible GOD promised not to destroy the earth with water again !

                This was huge for me. I have been praying and hoping that my kids would not go backwards in their beliefs, now that they are in public school. Not only is he NOT going backwards, but he is CLINGING to the promises of GOD and is not ashamed .    Yipee !

                    Every generation has heroes…I believe my son Adam will be one for this generation. 

Some of you reading this had a true fairy tale courtship and wedding. You really understand the “bride” mentality. Well….I am having a hard time with it. Even as a bride, I did not get it. I just kept waiting for Thomas to realize that he was crazy, and change his mind about getting married. Pretty sad, huh ? God is doing something in me, he is restoring the bride mentality in my heart. He has talked to me all week long about this. He is walking me through the steps of preparing my heart in the natural for Thomas and in the spirit as the bride of christ !

          This is what he said this week ” I am the father of the bride, I am proud of you! I own the cattle on a thousand hills, and spoke creation into being…all I have is yours daughter !”

                                 I am really excited about this !! I believe it started on sunday when david walker spoke out about our destinys being revealed and restored. So thanks david, for following the spirit. And thank you daddy for reaching the deep places in me that are calling out to you even when I am unaware of it.

There are some things in life that you feel you could do better, if you were given another go at it. I feel that way about pretty much everything in life….even though I don’t like everything about getting older, I LOVE the wisdom that comes with it. Everything I did when I was young, I can do better now(seriously) You young people might not believe me, but it is true. For example

• sports….much better now
• driving….much improved
• cooking and cleaning….down to a science
• parenting…..looking better all the time
• being a wife….i try not to think about the first 5 years, it only gets better from there.
• being a daughter….having one of your own really makes you a better one.
• fashion….please! I have pictures from when I was 24 where I was trying so hard to look like a proper mommy and wife, that I actually look older than I do now.

There is something to be said for learning and growing. I may not get a do over, but I can look back and make the future better because of it. I am 34 and just now getting to know myself……it feels good.

Today we sang “my life….be lifted high, my love… be lifted high”.And then” Jesus, be lifted high”, and I found myself thinking of all the things I lift higher than him on a daily basis, and so I laid them down.

                            Jesus may I lift you higher than…..

                                my emotions

                                my wants

                                 my house

                                  my bank account

                               my family

                                  my friendships

                                my diet

                                   my pant size

                              my kids’ school

                               my writing

                            my insecurities

                             my fear of man

              Be lifted high Lord…..be lifted high.

 I am anticipating a lovely weekend with my family.No school or work on monday, oh happy day ! I love the feeling I get when I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. I might have some friends over, but even that will be relaxed and sweet.

                                God is restoring friendship in our lives, slowly and gently….it feels good. This week has been a learning week for me. Several lessons. Faith, when the situation seems hopeless. Courage, when you should be scared to death and friendship….unwaivering, constant, careful, christ-like, joy filled, strong, giving, and touching.

                    It was good to see that kind of friendship. When trials and snares come my way…I know who I am calling. There is a group of women at crossroads (you know who you are) that are WORKING IT OUT !! This kingdom life, I mean. I am glad I know you and have you on my side.

              I will not back down in my pursuit of you LORD. I will not allow my spirit to settle down into auto-pilot mode. I will not be satisfied until I have an all access, backstage pass to you. I will lose control, maybe I will have to walk through coals. I will not be satisfied until I love you like I love my own soul….until I love you like I love my own soul.

                             mark 9:49 you will all be seasoned with fire

as christians we will be seasoned with trials that purify our faith.

The enemy has been defeated, death couldn’t hold you down, we’re gonna lift our voice in victory, gonna make our praises loud !!!! repeat, repeat, repeat.

                              These words are my meds. I really needed them yesterday, oh well….I have them now.

I am really missing my friends in fort mill, s.c. not because the church there is in a revival, but because I knew some wonderful people. Between me and the enemy, i was convinced that i was all alone there, and when things in my life started to unravel….I jumped ship. So, here i am…..simpsonville, s.c. And guess what….same old story, i am as alone as i want to be. It sucks. I will walk this out, and i will learn what it is you are teaching father. I want to be a content person, if i pray for this, will god take away my comforts ? I don’t know, but I know that I miss my friends and I am having a lonely day even though the sun is shining and the birds are singing. wish you were here.

lust- an overwhelming desire, ardent enthusiasm

               I want Him. I can’t stop thinking about Him. The way my heart rate changes whenever he comes in the room. The way I can tell he is looking at me, cause I can feel my face glowing.I want to know everything about him. I want gravity and dignity to go away. I want to jump up higher and higher, to sing louder and louder. Jesus, come like you promised.