The other day, Isabelle said to me “i just read the story about the lady who poured her perfume out all over jesus, now, why would she do that if she knew she could sell it, and do something good with the money?” First of all, it shocked me that this was the view Isabelle had of this…a worldly view. But then I realized, she was just going with her gut, she wasn’t saying what she had been programmed to say, or what she thought people wanted to hear. She was just being practical.

                          So, I started explaining about giving up all you have, wasting your life on your love, how he is worth it…all of our posessions and even our dignity, that its all about him.

            Later on, I was sitting around thinking about(lamenting really ) worship, my songs and my heart . And about how helping out in the kids worship had been fun, but not like “REAL” worship. Just then, the Lord hit me over the head with what I had been sharing with Isabelle.

                Singing and dancing in front of those kids IS pouring out my worship on HIM. Its not wasted, what i do unto the least of these, I do unto HIM. And so, the next time I am in there and I look out at the faces of the children, what I will be seeing is JESUS, and you better believe that I will be breaking my bottle and pouring it out. Every last drop…he will fill it again.

Have you ever seen one of those movies about a hard-nosed pirate with a heart of gold? Thats Isaiah !! I love him too much. He is the last, the baby,my big finale !! Last night ,at bedtime, he said ,”God created the earth in 6 days and on the 7th day, he rested. Now, I am 7 and thats God’s favorite number.” He was so pleased with himself for being 7. I’m pretty pleased too. Happy birthday, my big boy. May God’s favorite number bring you peace and joy all year long.

I love to spring clean, even though its winter. January means throwing out and cleaning out. I am not a pack rat. EXCEPT, in my heart. It is so hard to change my way of thinking, the cycle of emotions that I allow over and over. I have a hard time getting rid of anger and resentment, I keep them way  in the back, behind joy, and gratitude, just in case I need them…someday. You know what I’m talking about. I want to get rid of them for good. I’m GETTING rid of them for good !!

There is this part of me that is so sad/sleep deprived/dehydrated/spiritually depleted and sick when Chritmas is over.

                What is the cure ? Orange juice and a couple of tylenol ? A project, to keep my mind busy and confused ?  don’t know. I usually throw myself into the new year with organizing something or other, or the goal of becoming addicted to the gym. This year though, I am predicting that those things will not SATISFY. I want you Lord, want  you to change me, rearrange me, make me new ,make me look like you. And not just that, make me SEE like you. Look at my circumstance like you would.

           I know why I am tired, it is hard to carry around the weight of the world,or at least the weight of my world. I want you to take that Lord. I believe that you can. So…when nothing satisfies me, come and be enough.

Its 9:45, and its still Christmas. Its good to the last drop around here. We like to squeeze in as much fun as possible.

                I can honestly say, this is the BEST christmas ever. We spent less, prayed more. Personally, I yelled less and laughed more ! Time is flying by and I have been blessed enough to notice it, I don’t intend to waste one second of joy with my kids.

                   Sidney is upstairs reading an amish love story (the only kind I like)

                       Adam is in the middle of a dogfight in a british spitfire (on the new wii)

                    Isabelle is in bed (fell asleep listening to her cool new walkman)

                Isaiah is on his way to bed,too (after knocking out 15 opponents in the wii boxing ring)

                Thomas has cooked brunch, opened the toys (whose packages were designed by the devil), succumbed to a migraine, got prayed for by the whole clan, and was healed, found a lost toy, played outside, put together a racetrack, lowered the seat of a bike, played wii bowling, boxing,tennis, and barbie horse back riding ! Don’t feel sorry for him…he loved every minute. He is joyful.

I am….listening….to the quiet, smelling…coffee and cookies, looking ….at the christmas tree lovingly, feeling….peace on earth. goodnight.

I have recently become an aunt again, my nephew JUDE is 2 weeks old. He is a beautiful baby. REALLY. He smells so good, that it should be fattening just to sniff him. I know, thats a weird thing to say, but that thought occurred to me the other night as I put my nose in the sweet spot between his head and his shoulder and inhaled deeply. That smell makes the world go away. I believe he smells like Jesus. He is fresh and brand new, in a little while, he will have to work harder to smell that good. My sister will have to put lotion on him and before long…no amount of johnson& johnson will stop him from smelling like a little boy.  Grass and pancakes, for those of you who don’t know yet.

                                We have to work harder than we want to to smell like Jesus. The fragrance of Christ is REAL, I’ve noticed it on people I know. Its attractive and its compelling. I love it. I want it. Can I get that for Christmas instead of my usual perfume ??

Even on the days you do everything right, you can’t be perfect. As a mom I am obsessed with doing things “right “. Whatever right is. And somedays, God gives you a little blessing, to let you know you’re doing alright.

           On Friday night, Isaiah said his prayers…” thank you Lord for taking our sins, thank you for taking our sicknesses and thank you for taking all our afraids“.

     Thank you Lord for loving me through these kids. We’re gonna be alright.

• a crackling fire
• kids in polar fleece ( and no socks)
• new babies in that caterpillar state (i am an aunt once again )
• pumpkin pie ( for breakfast)
• a family that likes to dance( Isaiah is the best, he’s into breakdancing)
• children that BELIEVE that their dreams MEAN something
• friends that can come over without the house being cleaned
• farmer john cheese aka parmesan cheese (thanks Isabelle)
• an 11 year old son who still wants to snuggle me
• a teenager who talks during dinner
• a husband that cooks
• a husband that laughs
• a husband that cries
• a husband that loves me ugly (thanks nikki)
• my house, its more than I need
• my job, its just right for me
• my life, my beautiful strife

Since we last spoke I have taken my daughter’s phone away (most likely forever), started a new job(which is more fun to me than it should be), and gone away on a retreat(where I found out that I am a passive aggressive prophet), its been a heck of a week.

                     Seriously, if you read this blog, then you know I have a real soft heart for working moms, and I never wanted to be one. But God sent me the perfect job. I drop the kids of at school and go to the office, and then I leave work at 2 and go pick my kids up. The only one whose life has changed is mine. I get up earlier, and my house is not quite as clean. Thats ok, I am becoming the proverbs 31 wife that I’ve always wanted to be. Which reminds me, some of the reason I have so much trouble with that is because of the way I’m wired. After this weekend’s retreat, I have a better idea how to talk less and love more. That was worth the price of admission. I’ll tell you more later. tata for now.

Did not go to prayer…I know, life got in the way. That doesn’t mean that I’m any less full of faith than I was yesterday. Anyways, we did see the dr. who is treating him for ringworm even though there is no circle and no ring to speak of. We shall see.

                            RETREAT-a going back or backward;withdrawal in the face of opposition. A period of rest or seclusion.

               Personally, I say the womens retreat is both. I am going back(to my first love), and I am withdrawing in the face of opposition(every day the enemy opposes the way that I raise my kids, and he opposes the way I CHOOSE to love my husband) and I am taking the chance to rest and be in seclusion in a lovely place with lovely people.

                   My flesh says”dont go, stay at home, dont go”, but my spirit KNOWS, for a fact, that when I go before the LORD with an empty basket, and open heart, he never turns away. Never. He has burned the book of my rebellion, and he loves me with a love that cannot and will not be restrained. Going to a women’s “retreat” is the least that I can do. peace.