I guess I was doing things that would classify me as charismatic long before I really knew that it was a “type” of christian. Does that seem weird, or maybe blissfully ignorant? If their was a timeline for my testimony it would look like this

• asked jesus into my heart(so I would not go to hell)9 years old
• left the baptist church(parents got divorced, evidently churches did not like that) 12 years old
• came to crossroads (looking for the Lord ) 24 years old
• coasted and grew in knowledge
• got into a small group that changed my life forever. God was there, along with some others…the frickes, the butlers, the littlesons, the sears, and aaron keyes was the leader. I was 29 years old.

Its been a roller coaster ride from there. I started hearing the Lord’s voice, I read everything I could get my hands on. Threw myself into prayer for my kids. We moved several times. And God has always been with me. Always. So, if trusting him and listening to his voice, and believing that he heals and still does miracles is being charismatic…then I guess I am one! Who knew ?? Oh yeah, theres my crazy dancing, can’t forget that. Sometime around age 30, maybe 31…I started getting the urge to worship fully with my body, to dance and jump and shout and sway.So, I did it.

           When I think about how far down he had to come, to reach me, I am so grateful. I have been forgiven much, and because of that…I forgive. I have been loved well and deeply by my papa, and because of that….I dance. goodnight.

Today someone close to me admitted that during corporate worship at our church, she does not feel anything. She wanted to know how to fix it….I believe God gave me the answer to give to her, and so, I will share it with all of you now.

                 WORSHIP IS A VERB !! If we are standing there waiting for some feeling to wash over us, and sweep us off our feet….wouldn’t that be God worshipping us ? WORSHIP IS A VERB. We have to move into it, regardless of the song, regardless of who is standing next to us, regardless of the hugeness of self that would try to creep into and take over your whole mindset.

                           worship as a wife, worship as a way of life….He is worthy and when we worship, He will come.

I know how you feel. I write about God on this blog all the time, I am basically preaching to myself. I am going to say that I love him and that I trust him. I am going to say it until I believe it. You do the same.

             So many women that I know struggle with feelings of being overwhelmed, or underappreciated, or just plain lonely. I am one of them. THIS IS AN ATTACK ! The enemy despises women. We bring forth life. He can never do that. That is not something that he can counterfeit. Are you hearing me ? There is a target on our back. We represent beauty, and love and the feminine side of Papa’s personality. God even refers to the body of christ as THE BRIDE !! I am not a feminist, but I am a realist. I have recognized that I am in the battle of my life, and I can choose to engage and fight, or I can run and pretend that everything is fine.

                           I encourage you to stop letting the enemy tell you lies about yourself. I, for one am tired of listening.

                          Your heart is a garden for you and the holy spirit, spend some time pruning and planting. Write a story….your grace story, a love story, or a love song…to the bridegroom. He really is coming.

 ps. nikki- I think you are one of the strongest women I know. Everyone needs a day to themselves here and there. Quiet time is good. I envy the way you mother your girls and I am so happy to know you.love

It has been a wonderful, exciting, fun filled weekend. And, its not even sunday yet ! We are so happy to be surrounded by friends who believe that JESUS heals, and that He loves, and that He lives !  So…to all involved, thank you ! We had a great time !

oh happy day ! Erin Justice Hamby Littleson.. I love you. I hope your birthday is wonderful, and I hope your husband gets you something extravagant.

                           Thank you papa for Erin and thank you for placing her in my path, her view of you changed me. Thank you that you work out the most intricate, delicate, amazing plans for each one of us. Thank you. I love you.

                                 And THANK YOU for MIRACLES !! You have outdone yourself. Every baby is a miracle, but when you laugh in the face of science and give your children the desires of their hearts….your glory cannot be denied. I love you so much.So, on behalf of my friends L and D, I praise you. And for creating my soul sister (erin) I praise you.I dont even know how to praise you like I want to. I dont want to be held down by my feet, and the limitations of my voice…what I want is to fly right into your heaven and thank you face to face. Can you arrange that ?

One of my favorite (of all time) worship songs says, “though you slay me, I will trust you…though offended, I will cling to you.” SO GOOD. After visiting friends in charlotte this weekend, I realized that I had been harboring some offense toward the GOD that I walk with and worship. It feels so good to give it up. I feel like I had to hash it out with God( with the help of wise friends, that I trust),and I feel like God made his point. He HAD to put the pressure on me in order to shift my way of thinking, and maybe even my heart.So…even though I am not where I thought I would be right now, God has a gps and he knows exactly where I am, and how to use me right now !

                   How many of you reading this proclaim to God that you will follow him no matter what ? How many of you ask him to break your heart that you might know him more ? how many of you ask him to change you from the inside out ? And how many of you will be OFFENDED when he gives you what you are asking for ??

I just finished reading the book THE SHACK, which is a story about my worst fear. God gave me the strength to read it, because of the truths that were waiting for me there. Here is what I know….most of what I do is done out of fear. Even the simple things about me. The need for organization comes from the fear that I will lose something important if it is not ALWAYS where it is supposed to be. The rules that I so diligently repeat to my children constantly come from the fear that they will be selfish, godless people and that ultimately,I will have failed. WHAT ???? I’m not saying there should not be rules, I’m saying examine the heart behind it.

            I have a fear of lawlessness, but under Jesus, we are lawless. That should not be scary, it should be freeing. If we are in relationship with him, no law is required to keep us in line. I am looking forward to teaching my kids this new way of thinking. My hearts desire is that the relationship they have with me will keep them in line. Just like GOD wants my relationship with him to be enough to cast my fear away, and walk tall in world under no law, but filled with the knowledge that I am loved and loved and loved.

What would it be like if the Lord would let us FEEL him put his arms around us ? Physically, what would it be like ? What would it be like to be so close we could smell his skin, to breathe it in again and again ? what would it be like to recognize his laugh, or the way he walks ?

           My friend has shared some time with him, seen his sense of humor..knows how tall he is (which is not very). I am jealous. I have come to a place where it is my desire to have him come, physically manifest before me and let me breathe in his smell. Is that too weird for some of you ? oh well…the truth shall set you free, or make you seem like a weirdo. whatever. The point is simply this…I’m not satisfied, I want a visitation from the Lord and I am going to bug him about it right now. 

                                   how about you ? I want to know if anyone has seen him, or is like me and asking to see him. gotta go.