Adam is on fire. He is 12 years old and he is burning for the Lord. Apparently he asked the Lord for the opportunity to pray for people with physical needs…..I think this is one of the most faithful things you can do. The Lord responded to Adam’s heart, and Adam is amazing to me. He is learning to be bold. He is stretching and growing. At our church on Monday night, we had a time with our Big Daddy. We let him love us, we opened up our cold hearts and let him love on us like children. Daddy told Adam to pray for somemone’s right shoulder, but the man wasn’t there. When we got home, I asked Adam if he wanted to call him, to my surprise he said YES. I dialed and handed him the phone. If you have ever listened to a 12 year old boy on the phone, then you know just painful it can be, there is stuttering, and throat clearing…not this time. Adam asked the man if he had pain in his right shoulder, the man confirmed that he did( i did a backflip…in my mind). Adam began to pray and speak to the pain. I don’t know how that man is this morning, but I know how my son is….full of faith and fire and vigor…..a baby taking shaky steps, a half grown man on his way….

I am a big talker. I proclaim to be spirit filled, but am not always spirit LED. Well, the fence has just gotten to uncomfortable to sit on like this any longer. OUCH !

                      I am in Lord. I give it up. My financial sin, the doubts, the fears, the manipulating the money, or lack thereof. I am repenting, turning away from this. It is yours Daddy, I won’t shut you out of it anymore. I want peace, I want heaven on earth….I want to be naked in the garden and not ashamed…..I want it. I am after your heart, you are after my head. I get it.

  BLOODY HELL ! I knew it last week. Was hoping against hope that it wouldn’t be so. we are struggling with school again. Z didn’t go into his church class yesterday,and had to be walked in by a counselor last thursday. This morning he started with,”I dont feel well”, then went into full blown crying and running when it was time to get into the car. I lost my mind at first, then I talked calmly, then I gave in and decided…fine, a day off. I really don’t need you to tell me that it was a mistake, I know that. When he was calm enough to hear what we had to say, we told him the deal. Now its up to him to make the choice to fight or not fight tomorrow. We are prepared for the battle, but sure hope we don’t have to fight it.

                                  Yesterday Rich( our pastor) talked about the enemy. How he is REAL. Yeah…a real monster. He has been coming and coming and I know that I can’t back down. I know it. He wants me to think that it will be easier to let my kids, all of my kids, do whatever they feel like doing, cause that will make them happy. And ,don’t I want them to be happy ??? No, I would prefer that they do what is RIGHT.   Rich spoke it, and I agree. YOU try to raise a GODLY kid, and then watch the LIAR come. He does not waste time, he has no time to waste. His days are numbered. Jesus did not come to bring peace, he brought a sword. Got that from Matthew this morning. A sword. Truth. So, even in the midst of this BLOODY CRAP, I know that MY GOD REIGNS. He reigns and rules. I stand HIM up here in this house, I crown him KING JESUS and I lay down my life before him. I lay down my rights to smooth sailing right now. I declare battle, and I am the battle axe. I will break apart the rocky ground where Isaiah stands, and give him the tools to do the same. I will teach him to say, go to hell lucifer. Yeah, thats right….I will. matter of fact, I am doing it right now. bye.

                        Still reveling in the picture of the Father’s love for me and what it looks like on a practical level.  It looks like Thomas bringing me coffee and headache medicine in bed this morning. It feels like Thomas picking me up from the floor, where I lay when everything is wrong, telling me,”its gonna be okay”.  He is my husband ,and yet the best picture of a Father’s Love….even for me.

                                              I am grateful that there is someone out there who knows me well enough, to know that I have a love affair with Jesus, and that I am willing to stoke the fire, and keep it going, but that without REAL knowledge of a Father’s love, its hard to connect with God. And therefore, hard to feel his love sometimes.  I felt it today, and I will keep it close at hand. I will dig as deep as I have to for the wells of joy that have been promised to me.

ps. CrossRoads Community Church is hosting HIS presence tomorrow night @ 6:30. I am going, I am eager, before today I would’ve said I was going because I love him so much, but after today, I want you to know that I am going because of how much he loves ME. He wants me there, he waits for me, longs for me….and you, too.

    Its really cold out there. Yesterday it was really cold in here, too. Not today, today, my heart is warm and hopeful. If I open myself up, I am always surprised by the goodness that awaits me. Made time to see a friend today. Felt good. She is wise beyond her years, highly prophetic, and really loves me. Then I made time to talk to a new friend, shared a little bit of my life with her, and felt like she GOT it. I think its incredibly generous of the LORD to put women like these two in my life. I am grateful for words of love and encouragement, I am humbled at the sight of the body of CHRIST, acting like the body of CHRIST.

                           There is real strength in being broken open and letting someone see inside. The kind of strength that gets you out of bed, that cleans your house, the kind of strength that changes your atmosphere. 

          I know. You are supposed to go from the inside out, but this week that has not been working for me. I have laid around here, not feeling good, consumed by the future. I have barely gotten dressed, combed my hairs, or even bothered with makeup. That is not like me. I am far to vain to sit around barefaced. So….today I will work from the outside in. I will shower, and do my hairs justice, I will cover the dark circles under my eyes, and make my lips shiny. I will feel better.  I will force myself to put on clothes that my OCD would normally have me save for a place to go. I will feel better.

                          I have been created inside and out by the AUTHORITY on….me. HE knows what I need. And if he says,”from the outside in”, then so be it.  I will be an empty jar today, instead of being filled with questions and concerns, I will be empty….ready to be filled.

            when our conversations become accusations…and this house of cards has crumbled one too many times…

                 when our house feels like a camp behind enemy lines….when I am lost beyond being found…

                                MY GOD REIGNS

       When I am drowning in questions, and can’t hear the truth…and ,when I just can’t find the proof….MY GOD REIGNS.

                          When I have gone too far, to come back, I CAN come back because….MY GOD REIGNS.

• spiders( isnt this on everyone’s list?)
• spider veins ( on my legs)
• snakes(duh)
• people who quote scripture when they get into a fight …
• worship leaders who never sing a wrong note
• airplanes flying over my house ( every time, I think….is this it ?)
• roller coasters (so embarassing)
• failure (of any kind)
• secrets ( everything is better in the light)
• bullies

Most of all fear itself scares me, does that make sense? I do not want to live a life of fear. I don’t want to make choices based on fear, I don’t want to parent out of fear, and I certainly do not want to be controlled by a fear of man. I think I would rather eat a spider. Ok, now I’m scared.

 A funny picture, I know. A funny boy. He is 8 today. He does things his own way, says what he wants to say. When he says thank you, or I love you, you can be sure that he is not just being polite….because he really isn’t polite. Kind, yes…polite, no. He started voicing his opinions when he was 2. We went out to lunch one sunday and there were a lovely group of Chinese people eating close by, we had no way of knowing or preventing what was about to happen. Once my baby Isaiah caught sight of them, he stared, and started pointing, and chanting,”chinese, chinese, chinese, chinese”. Embarassing?  YES. Funny ? Yes. We ahd to leave lunch a little early. Not too long after that incident, my mom and I took Z shopping at the Goodwill, Mom got into the check out line with Isaiah in the buggy, he had a perfect view of the man in line behind them. The man with the handlebar mustache.  The man smiled, Isaiah stared….my mom stood by unaware. Isaiah would not look away, and then in his very loud 2 year old voice he said, ( looking the man in the eye, mind you)”I DONT LIKE MUSTACHES !”   I don’t think the man minded very much, but my poor mom was embarassed.

                                              When Isaiah wants something , he goes for it. I like that about him. He is honest, and raw, and always easy to get along with….I don’t know where he gets it. Hmmmm. Those qualities are what I admire most about him, those qualities are going to be the very weapons that he will draw from when he is a young man, and not just a boy. Even though, he is only 8 today….one day, he will be a mighty man of God. That is evident. I have a ton of posts on this blog about him if you are interested in his journey, you can go back through and see just why I love him so much. Have a great day ! Happy Labor day to me, and happy happy birthday to Z.

   Let me just say, I love it when a day ends this way. I am pleasantly surprised at the kids that I have. I am guilty of underestimating them on a daily basis. Ok, I will keep this brief. Bedtime is just full of interesting surprises around here. For starters, tonight when I put Belle to bed, she was reading her devotion, and said to me,  “have you ever heard your heart crying mommy?” I said what do you mean, and she said, “I look fine on the outside, but I can hear my heart crying on the inside”. I had never heard it put quite so eloquently, but yes, I believe that I have heard my heart crying….it was in fact ,crying right then because hers was. They are one and the same.

               And then there is Isaiah (who will be 8 years old in a couple of short hours) I prayed a special birthday blessing over him and truth be told, I might have gotten a little carried away. I prayed that the Lord would START HIM UP, those were the words that I kept repeating. And then I went on to ask that the LORD would start a fire in his belly, that it would burn and burn and cause a hunger for knowledge in Isaiah starting now, that his 8th year would be the year that he would step boldy into the place that is rightly his. MEANWHILE…..I can barely contain myself, my joy, my tears….Isaiah is laying over there on his side of the bed, arms raised, speaking out, calling out ” yes LORD, do it. DO IT LORD.”  My little lion warrior king…look out world, he is coming.

    And my man-child(adam)…we were chit chatting, and I said  “ok, goodnight”….and he said,  “I like you , you can stay longer”. It don’t get no better than that people ! He likes me. He wants to be with me. I will not forget this moment, I will not forget this moment. Not even when he gets married and loves another woman more, I will not forget this moment.

             All I can say about the chronicles of Sidney(17), is that we are making it. We are the blind leading the blind. We love her and she loves us. Each day is its own adventure, but HE makes all things new. He makes our hearts new, every day, if need be, he makes our love new, our ideas new, and our patience new. He won’t grow faint, even when we do.