i know why we have kids. it is simply to learn the fathers heart. isaiah has lost his 2 bottom front teeth, and i am pleased as punch ! i love the way he talks sort of funny with no teeth there. and i love the way he looks, and i love how proud he is of the gaping hole where his 2 tiny baby teeth used to be. I feel love every time i look at him.

                   i cringe each time i look at sidney, i see the little girl i knew slipping away. gone are the hairbows and white sandals. my heart sinks each time i realize she has gotten a grown up joke that used to go right over her head. i am scared to death when she talks about the girl in her class that is pregnant at 15.

                                God delights in each little step of growth I make. each time i recieve a word from him, every day that i remember my purpose in him. he loves how proud i am of my baby teeth falling out, because now i can chew on so much more.

                                    and Abba watched me at times, walk away from his plan for me. he noticed that i embraced the knowledge of good and evil, and used it to my advantage. i put so many other loves before him. and through it all he did not look away, he was with me, loving me, holding me,protecting me.

                               And so….I know why we have kids, it was the only way some of us stubborn people could get the real picture of how god loves us, how his spirit grieves for us, and how he never gives up on us. if you are a parent, you know what i mean.

Jesus was the original rebel. He was liberal with out being loose, soft-hearted, but not weak minded. His mercy outweighs his justice. And I am grateful. He was revolutionary !

                    This week my kids have been pressuring me about the rules that I have set up for them. Movies, in particular. I am very strict on what they can watch. Especially, on the 15 yr old and the 10 yr old. All of their friends get to see movies that I will not let them see, and they think it is ridiculous. tough. Thats my answer. There are movies that I saw as a young person that remain in the hard drive of my memory, some are pretty questionable and I can’t help but wonder what part they played in my decision making as a teenager.

                          My point here is this…..you still have peer pressure as an adult, I feel pressured to let my kids see and do things because other christian parents are letting their kids see it and do it. I will not be swayed, I will let my heart do the leading, and following in the footsteps of Jesus, I will be counter-cultural.

                                                                             P.S.

                                                        If you have a teenage daughter and you let her see the movie JUNO…..what are you thinking ?? I would like to know.

i am :  a daughter, a wife, a,mother, a sister, a friend, a little girl, a woman

i think : nonstop

i know :right from wrong

i want : peace

i have :the best husband

i wish: i was the best wife

i hate : lies

i hear: birds singing, isaiah talking to himself, my voice inside my head

i feel :like something is about to happen

i miss : my children being babies

i fear : bitterness, and spiders

i smell : cheetos

i crave : ice cream and the sun

i search : for the truth

i wonder : what this life is all about

i dream : not as often as i would like to

i regret : getting a tatoo

i love : jesus

i ache : when children are hurt

i care : about manners

i always: put things back where they go

i am not:easy to please

i believe : in miracles

i dance : to crack my kids up

i sing : to put them to sleep, and to jesus

i cry : when i watch commercials

i don’t always : say the right thing

i fight : the enemy everyday

i write : all the time, on every piece of paper, messy

i win : at scrabble and thumb wars

i lose : at boggle and monopoly

i never : forget

i confuse : my husband daily

i listen : when other people talk

i can usually be found : in the bath tub

i am scared : of my pride

i need : to be still

 i am happy about : my new friends

I rarely have dreams that I can remember , so when I do…I really pay attention. Two nights ago I dreamed I was riding a horse. This is weird. I have never dreamed about a horse before. I was riding the horse and I was scared. We galloped, the wind blew my hair , I held on for dear life. There was no saddle, no reins. I was holding onto the horse’s mane. When we stopped, I carressed the horses mane, thanking him for keeping me safe. He turned his huge head back toward me and nuzzled me as if to say ” I love you, of course you are safe “.

                  So I have had 2 days to think about it, here is what I know….prophetically speaking, horses represent war and power.Just for fun, here is my interpretation. I am heading into a place of great warfar, but also power. I am terrified and feel a little out of control. But with out cause, you see Jesus is carrying me, he loves me and keeps me, he leads me beside still waters. It is his battle.

ok….Nicole admitted how weird she is, so here goes….

• I rub my feet together to go to sleep
• when the day has been unbearable, I pull thomas’ t-shirt up, and put my head inside.
• I look in the sheets every night for spiders before I get in
• when I bring groceries home, I will not / can not take my coat off, go to the bathroom, answer the phone, or do anything else until they are put away
• sometimes I skip dinner and eat twizzlers
• I wanted to be a solid gold dancer
• whenever I am tickled, I have a panic attack
• I hate my tatoo
• I talk baby talk to my dog
• I loved being pregnant
• I am a recovering purse addict
• still struggling with my reality tv addiction
• I have read every danielle steele book
• my daddy has live bears at his house
• I never go to his house

There is hope in your word…speak to me

there is peace in your truth…tell me again

there is love in your heart….it beats for me

there is strength in your touch…touch me again

there is joy in your face…let me see you

there is fire in your eyes….look my way

open up the heavens and come down Lord !