Ispent the evening in the kidzone at church. They were learning how to use their bodies in worship ! Hip Hop worship. Really ? I was born for this. It was just what I needed. Sometimes, I start believing that its just all false. The problem, you ask ? I think it may be that the church is filled with grown ups every Sunday morning. Just kidding. No,I’m not.

     It was just good for my soul to jump around and watch children DECLARING that God is good ,All the time.  It was a sweet reminder. It was beautiful , and I feel like it was a symbol of hope.

 ”  from generation to generation, We worship you” !!

 I had planned on writing a funny blog about what we had for dinner last night, but in the light of this morning’s news, it just doesn’t seem right.

                 Obama won the nobel peace prize. Surely, you are joking…this is some elaborate saturday night live skit, right ? The world has gone topsy turvy and its giving me motion sickness. How could he possibly have won this most esteemed award? On what merit ?  God, please open up the blind eyes. Jesus. There will be no peace until he returns. The best we can do is to have peace in our homes, in our families, in our churches. Stand up for what you believe in and what you know is right. Don’t get swept away in a wave of confusion, in a riptide of worldliness….be counter-cultural. Even small steps toward righteousness are steps. I heard someone say, ” morality is the BOTTOM rung on the ladder of righteousness” . We are called to be set apart and righteous, I WANT to be. I want to be MORE than a good person. I want to be TRUSTWORTHY.

                         Jesus died a wretched death for the sake of the human race, and Obama wins the nobel peace prize ? Unbelievable.

So, let me just say…WE CAN DO THIS ! We can go the whole month of October without eating out. The challenge was made a little more difficult by the fact that we were low on groceries to begin with and can’t get any until Friday. So, we are using what we have on hand. Tonights meal will be, soup and sandwiches ! And I am off today, so for my lunch, I am making pasta salad with the remnants from my pantry… olive oil, balsamic vinegar, a bit of cheese, and a can of diced tomatoes.

            What I am finding out about myself is this…I am at my best when there is a goal insight. I need focus, or I get a little squirrely.

*** update on Isaiah….he is doing great ! Thank you for all the time spent praying. Here is a little tid bit for you. Last year, we went through the school turmoil for 3 weeks and then, I BELIEVE, that he started to trust his teacher, and therefore…went to school. This year it lasted 5 weeks. All through last year, when I would drop him off, he would get out , not looking back and walk into that school. I would watch the other kids waving to their moms, kissing their moms, and even though relieved, I was still sad that Isaiah didn’t do those things. I was too scared of him unraveling, if I tried to tell him by or kiss him. And that was that. Well, this week , for the first time, Isaiah got out of the car, shut the door, walked a couple of steps and then turned (my heart beat was flying), big smile on his face and waved. It was wonderful. This morning, he added, “love you” to that.

                  Sometimes it takes me a little time to process my blessings. A little mulling over. Who cares about food ? We will figure it out. We are blessed in so many other ways ! Have a good day.

I an effort to stop the bleeding of our budget, the Butcher and I are not eating out for the rest of the month of october. Harder than it sounds, when both of you work, and the kids have activities…eating at home is a strenuous activity. We are always up to a good challenge and so here goes….I will post each night what we have. Please prepare yourselves for AT LEAST one night a week of cereal. I will also be looking for CHEAP recipes that feed 6 people(one of those being a 12 year old boy who eats nonstop).

                           We are also looking at our expenses in an honest way, scarier than riding tower of terror at DisneyWorld. The things that we spend money on are so stupid. Really. It sneaks up. It does not help that Glam is located next door to starbucks. I don’t even LOVE starbucks, its just a habit. BLAH. Its ok, the only way to get me going is to challenge me, so here goes. I will keep you posted.

Isaiah got a hair cut last night before bed. It was my idea, but he was fine with it. I cut it shorter than I did last time, just to make it easier to manage. He looks so cute. He woke up slow this morning, locked himself in the bathroom and cried about his hair. He felt very insecure, he wanted it back. I knew it was coming and I braced muself for the emotional blow that was coming, he stood their crying, so angry and hurt, and said,” its YOUR fault, YOU cut my hair, I didn’t want it !!”. I am ashamed to say ,that I was ashamed. I recoiled into a heap of self loathing for a few minutes. But the voice of the Lord was LOUDER, and I let him lead me back to the present. I can’t help Isaiah if I am lost in my own fleshiness.

               Thomas and I both took him to school, he put a hat on, and I wrote a note asking for special permission for him to wear it. I believe that God gave me the words to say to him today, I told him about his spirit man, and how we make him stronger. And when I saw on his face that look of ” Im going to do it”, I told him that he had the BIGGEST spirit man that I had ever seen. He pulled himself back from a full blowm meltdown. He was willing to be talked down from the ledge and I count it SUPERNATURAL STRENGTH.  His spirit man is still growing and I am in awe. Thank you Jesus.

 I am full of you my king

 full and laying down my offering

 you are drawing me near and pulling me in

defending me in the face of my enemy

 I love to love you and I live to give you praise.

 Im all in Lord, not on the fence, not waivering

   All I have is yours and I long to give you more

 I love to love you and I live to give you praise

Sometimes I get so exhausted of my brokeness. Broken down, broken open….I don’t want to see it. I want to see Jesus. I want to be blinded to my brokeness by the sight of him.  I don’t want to say the same things over and over on this blog, but what if I FEEL the same things over and over ? What then ?

                               I’ve never seen anything as beautiful you

                                 and I’ve never seen anything ,like the light thats breaking through

                               you are coming through my darkness, changing my view

                               I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as you, now I’m seeing through my blindness

                            standing up to my fears, Watching through my window ,as you restore my lost years.

 Another week of school behind us. No fights, no tears, no ripping of the membrane that is my heart. Praise the Lord !

           Last night, I told  Z that his room was still a little stinky and he said, “dad cleaned the cage”, and I said, “well its still a little smelly”, and he replied, ” thats just the way life is sometimes, mom”. AINT that the truth ?  Technically, we are clean, made white as snow by the blood of the lamb, but every so often, I find myself feeling a little stinky…..every day is a good day to begin again. peace.

the voices of laid down lovers lifted up,

while their souls bow down, broken melodies

 and moans resound.

sounds of heaven that have been bound…until now.

I am starting my own abbreviation…CGWG….it stands for cute girls with glasses. It is honor of Isabelle.

                      For the last two weeks, Belle has been telling me that she can’t see the board in class, so she moves in closer, but she still can’t see. So, being the awesome mom that I am, what do I do ? Ignore her, of course. Sometimes, I seriously wish that I could kick my own legs out from under myself. I know, self-loathing is not healthy. Anyways, I digress. I finally sent a letter to the teacher telling her to send Belle to the school nurse to get her eyes checked. I expected a letter home saying that everything was fine, but what I got was a phone call from the nurse in a panicked voice….”Isabelle can’t see a thing!” Those were her words to me. I wanted to punch myself in the gut(oops there it is again). My poor baby. The nurse said it was not uncommon for a child this age to have a change in eyesight suddenly. Her right eye is 20/100 and the left is 20/63. I don’t know for sure, but I think that is pretty bad. (if you are knowledgable about this, please comment) We are headed to the eye dr. in the morning. Isabelle is not upset, she is looking forward to SEEING !

                        Can you imagine how hard it has been for her ? Reading, riding her scooter, watching tv ? All of the normal activities, and she has just adjusted and had to do things the hard way. Same thing for us when we look at our situations at work, at home, in our marriage, without our spiritual glasses…it is so much harder to muddle through. We put those babies on and suddenly…..oh, everything is so much clearer!  Not that we ALWAYS WANT to put them on, but when we do…its good.

           Isabelle told me something very wise this morning, ” doing the right thing at the right time is like golden apples and jewels of silver”. HHMMM. Nice. She could not remember where in the BIBLE the verse was located, it didn’t matter. It hit its mark. Out of the mouths of babes…..