This is a HUGE deal in our house. BIG….HUGE. We have been praying , basically since the last day of school for the LORD to hold every little detail in his hands. There has to be a connection between the child and the teacher. Joy and patience, as personality traits, don’t hurt either. And so…tonight, the culmination of those prayers….its an exciting day around here.

We are back ! There are lots of pictures and lots of stories to tell, but that will have to wait until the laundry is done. See you soon !

   Ok. We are off to Hilton Head for a few days. Gonna break bread, have a little communion, a little laziness before the madness. The butcher and I always do our best thinking at the ocean. Go figure. I can’t wait to sit in a chair, and watch all my treasures playing around me. I love the pure bliss of those first few minutes at the beach, it almost  makes them seem little again. I guess its the pure joy on their faces !

                I am going to renew… my attitude.

                I am going to recharge… my batteries

                I am going to refocus… my priorities

                I am going to resolve… myself to BE A BLESSING, and not a curse.

                 I am going to resurrect….my spirit.

                   I am going to restart….my heart.

                  I am going to revive….my love affair.

                   I am going to replenish….the things that have been depleted.

               And I am going to REPOSESS…..what’s been mine all along….peace.

  I found a great link its secretkeepergirl.com. Today starts the 30 days of prayers for your daughter. They really focus on tween girls, but of course…you can pray for your daughter of any age. It is one of my greatest desires for Isabelle to ALWAYS see herself through PaPa’s eyes. That was prayer for her today. Oddly enough, my prayer for Sidney(18), is that Papa will open her blind eyes, somehow that sense of worth that we ALL need to feel, never broke through Sidney’s shell. There were lots of reasons, her sense of abandonment by her real mom, and the lack of a heart connection, that she and I have struggled with for so long. It’s never too late, or too early, and so today, I am praying for both of my daughters , that they would have perfect vision.

   I refuse to get drawn into a banter with you guys that think I am self absorbed. News flash….this blog is about me. My life, my struggles, my triumphs…..my love.  That’s why I started it in the first place, I needed a place to vent. An everyday woman, with secret aspirations of being the BEST mom ever( failing), the HOTTEST wife ever, (also failing…), the BEST friend ever(yep…failing). But….I am trying. I am moving forward in of all aspects of my life.  Every day is different. 

                       I don’t know what it is that brings you guys back to read again and again…..maybe its the fact that we all want to BE more than what we see in the mirror, and BE more than what our bank statement says. We WANT to be the image we see in our kid’s eyes, when they look at us. We DESIRE to be the person ABBA sees when he looks into our hearts. Despite our shortcomings, and quirks, and selfish pride, we ARE his beloved. I AM HIS BELOVED. Even with all that other stuff….I AM. And tonight  I am happy to share an unveiled face , waiting for HIS glory to rest on me, just as I am.

  Funny thing is, Sidney turned 18 today, and Belle gave her a card that said…..NOW YOU CAN ORDER STUFF OFF THE TV !! It was an odd day ,to say the least. It was the first time in 15 years that I haven’t planned some kind of party for Sidney. I made cupcakes. She showed up, in yesterdays makeup, and took out her phone 4 times, in the 10 minutes that she was here. NOT EASY. But somewhere in there is the little girl who had a tea party for her 9th birthday, and a surprise karaoke for her 12th, or was it her 13th ? I don’t know. What I do know is that she doesn’t know her own worth.  And that makes me sad.

                   We bless you sid. Daddy and I bless you with the knowledge of who you are in the KINGDOM. We bless you with peace on your birthday. We bless you with new friendships, and people who will come into your life that guide you. We bless you with wisdom, even at your age….you can be wise. We bless you . Goodnight.

One year ago today,  I opened GLAM with my friend. Happy Birthday ! It feels weird to even say it. I would be lying if I said that I don’t look at the store every time I pass by. I would be lying if I said that I don’t care if they are doing well. It was an idea that WE gave birth to, and I still care. I miss it. But more than that, I miss …..my friend. That is the trouble with me, once I am your friend, I am your friend.

            So Happy Labor Day Nikki, I know you are working hard. Be blessed today and every single day.

   Recently I have gotten a couple of really negative comments on this blog. Interesting. One lady thinks that I complain and whine all the time, and that if I am having financial problems that I should get off my butt ,and fix them. Ok. Yesterday, Isaiah had a terrible meltdown, it went on for about 3 hours. I realized why it is that I don’t have a job. Isaiah is a full time job. I would love an outside the house career, but I am committed to the kids first. And Susan Martin…..if I can’t whine on MY blog, where can I whine ? And then there is the man, who likes to comment using the F word, about the fact that I don’t let Belle watch Hannah Montanna, nor have I let Adam have a phone yet, at the ancient age of 12. He said that my kids were going to be F876ed up, and that something must be wrong with me.WOW. What could he be getting so worked up about ? I think he searched the word sexting, and found a conservative in me, not exactly what he was looking for, I guess.

     There are times when I don’t feel wise at all, but I know my kids. I trust the Shephards voice to guide me where they are concerned. When Adam is ready for a phone, I will know. As for Hannah Montanna….I just don’t like the show, its a waste of time. Belle is a princess in the court of the MOST HIGH KING, and there are better ways for her to spend her time. I love her, and she loves me, so there, MR. F word…..what the hell do you know about parenting ?

   this day was so long. it was stormy here, with glimpses of the sun. pretty much sums it up. I felt stormy. My critics won’t like this, but I don’t care…I felt stormy. I felt a rumbling in the distance, inside me. I saw streaks of white hot fear, it was close to home. Perfect love casts out fear, again and again, and….again. The rain came, and I wanted to feel clean, instead I just felt…sad. Someone told me today that the sadness would make me a better artist, and that everytime I made my way out of it, that I would be stronger. I know that is true…I can feel it, even now, I can hear you …..the voice inside me, the light around me, calling me out. Asking me to shout….to find out….to write about…..that thing I can’t live without…..LOVE. Perfect love.

  I have been asked to teach a small workshop on creative writing at the womens conference we have coming up. My soul is fighting it. My soul tries different tactics to get me to say no. Fear, anger, manipulation…..the usual suspects. Fear that I am not good enough, anger that my words have not become songs, and manipulation that I have no knowledge at all about creative writing, after all, all I know is my life. I am self absorbed, self loathing at times, extravagant in my story telling, and self indulged in my poetry. But when it comes right down to it…..I am a psalmist, thats the word that I have been given. I beg for help, consumed in my battle, I doubt that help is coming, and then I clear my head ,and turn to the object of my affection, adoration, and faith…… Creative ? I don’t know. A person who worships with words…yes.