I did it ! I had my first SOLO lia sophia party ! GO ME ! I was nervous, but I survived. There was some stumbling over my words, but I just kept right on moving. All in all, I faced my fears, and I had a successful party. I am so grateful for all of the encouraging words that I got from everyone ! I am taking it all to heart. So, today, I am staying in, doing paperwork, and giving my nerves a little break. Thanks Thomas for all of the support, and thanks Daddy for supplying all the grace that I need every day.

  The other night over dinner with friends, I heard the most amazing thing. We were sharing our love stories, and to tell you the truth, there are a lot of EPIC ones out there.  But I learned something about mine…for the first time. I was telling the story of the non-proposal ( no offense to my husband), and explaining how at the ripe old age of 21 , I felt an urgency to convince Thomas to marry me. It was if I felt like an old maid already….and my friend Amanda looked at me, and said something that I knew was truth, and was coming straight from my DADDY to me. She said….you were looking for shelter. SHELTER. Yes, why didn’t I think of that before. I was running, hiding, and in Thomas I saw a glimpse of the shelter and the safety that had been so elusive up to that point in my life.

                   shelter- a dwelling place or home considered a refuge from the elements.

Everyone has their own set of elements, mine were emotional storms, and the coldness that comes from wanting to be loved by somedody so bad, that you compromise your heart. I had no idea about the Father’s love for me then, and somehow through sin…He was making a way. It had to be through sin, because WE  ARE ALL IN SIN, we are in it, but IT IS NOT IN US. Thomas was my shelter, and He IS my shelter still, but it was his love that drove me to find my ULTIMATE shelter, the one I have with my Daddy. And now, we dwell together. It just doesn’t get any better than this.

 The Lord is like a seal upon my heart, His love is stronger than death. He wraps me up, when I am cold now. He gave me shelter in Thomas, until I was ready to let HIM love me. ahhhh, sweet shelter.

  What you BEHOLD (hold in your being), you BECOME (come to be), and what you become, you can …RELEASE(give away, pour out, let go of, set free).

                       I am holding you Lord, right here, in me, in my lungs, in my heart.

                        I am like you in every way, becoming more so, every day.

                        funny, beautiful, glad, and strong….why did it take so long ?

                        And now, I am letting it go…pouring it out, setting free, the YOU that is in me, so that everyone can see.

                            Just who it is….I was created to be.

For years my pain was alive, and it was looking for pleasure. Hurt people have a tendency to hurt people. But my ABBA was so faithful, and persistant, and he pulled, and tugged, and sent people into my life that had perfect understanding of who I was, past and present….some of them HE sent, simply to LOVE me. And they did. Healed people, heal people. Healed from my orphan state of mind, I really want to help other women and girls realize the perfect love of the father. Perfect in every way, no matter what. No matter who you have slept with, no matter how much you have manipulated, and self-hated. There is a perfect love, and it is waiting in the wings. HE….is waiting in the wings.

              My fabulous, scandalous, perfect FATHER is not through with me yet….He is just getting started. I am no fool, I know the seducer reads my blog, he, too is watching from the wings. I have been EQUIPPED with everything that I need to withstand the lies, old and new. I will keep my eyes on you Father , and if I stumble….if I fall…..it will be into your waiting arms. The arms of LOVE.

ok. Hello. I  don’t even know how to put into words what the Father is speaking to and doing for….me. The ladies conference was just the icing on the cake. I am still processing, so I will just share one short little thing. We were asked by the speaker to write down a lie about the Father’s character that we had been believing, and then search out the truth about it. Once we found , or realized the truth we had to write it on a nametag, and wear it . Even though in my head, I know that HE redeems, and restores broken things….I think I was believing that he is a perfectionist, in reality, HE is a messy lover. He created the jagged human spirit, He loves the messy way that I love him. I, too, am a messy lover.  It’s just my way. HE has made me perfect, but not in a perfectionist kind of way. He has made me whole, but not in a self-reliant kind of way.  Who is my daddy ? He is a messy lover, a builder, a boulder, a shoulder, a  scandalizing, vandalizing, rebel with a cause, and that cause is….me.

you only have one life to live, there is so much love to give…you only get one family….love them.

 ….we’re all SINKING. There is a thread running through my mind these days, actually, it’s more like a scarlet cord. I am turning from all the ideas that I held so close for so long (good and bad), and I  am dropping my scarlet cord out of my window, letting God know, that I am FOR him. No matter what is against me, I am FOR HIM. I am waiting.

         My starter show for lia sophia was last night. I asked the Lord to send me some encouragements….boy, did he ever ! I was amazed at the ladies who came. I was overwhelmed by the words of encouragement that they had for me. Frankly, I was impressed that they took time out of their busy schedules to bless me. In so many of them, I saw that grace is sufficient. Their stories, their families, their lives…..they are all just GOOD women. I think sometimes we just have to open our eyes up to the women around us….they are AMAZING, and if we are not careful, or get too wrapped up in ourselves….we will miss out.  I don’t want to do that anymore. The Lord is giving me this interest in the women around me,  this desire to KNOW who they are. I am really enjoying it, and lia sophia is a part of that ! ok. Thats it, I am done…just remember, Grace is sufficient for whatever beckons you today, there is enough, so much so that we are all sinking in it, breathing it into our lungs, and drowning in it.

ps.  Sidney, it is there for you too. God sees the potential in your life, and daddy and I do too. If I could play back all the things that I have done in my life, it would be a pretty rough movie to watch, but LOVE covers all I’ve done, including letting you down in so many ways….we love you.

Ok, for all of you who miss me on facebook…..you will be happy to know that the Lord and I have reached a compromise. I can use it to promote my business, and encourage my friends. Period. I won’t be putting up photos, sorry. My treasures are just that…treasures.

             I am in a state of transition, and it hurts so good. I love the way the Lord is stretching me out. I feel like a piece of taffy, getting pulled, then pushed back together, then pulled again. The good thing is, I like it. I am walking in obedience, and it feels good. I am pliable, silly putty in HIS hands. Expecting BIG things from the womens conference at CRCC. Come, be part of the movement, the movement of daughters walking toward and FINDING their Father’s heart.

I have deleted my facebook account. Again. Only this time is permanent. The Lord won’t leave me alone about it. It just comes down to the fact that, I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. I am convicted of the amount of time that I spend on there, pretending to have friends, and heart connections. When really, I don’t at all. I also hate the photos that I see on there of my teenage daughter, and her friends. If everyone of us is telling a story, with our bodies, and the clothes that we put on them…what is your story ? Yeah, think about it.

        And then there is the facebook pedaphile, the story rean on fox. I don’t want any part of a social network that gives people the right, and the opportunity to exploit kids. I know, you think that I am being extreme. I will not argue that, but I will say, what I am being is obedient. I know that the Lord is leading me, and he only wants good things for me, I can’t go wrong if I am listening to him. Here is one more reason…marriages. You may think that it could never happen to you, but I’ve seen it up close. Facebook is a threat to our marriages. Just food for thought.

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CBIQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.syracuse.com%2Fhave-you-heard%2Findex.ssf%2F2010%2F09%2Fpedophile_group_using_facebook.html&ei=rVSnTMXIK4SClAfJyYSwDQ&usg=AFQjCNEq4_z2nf0BeY9DRDX0OPwdqJT4_A

  I wanted to take a break from the goings on over here, and just say thanks ! Thanks to all of you who have prayed for Isaiah, and for me as I parent him. This is the first year that we have experienced school without fighting, crying, screaming, heartbreaking, stomachaching…anxiety. Thanks to the prayers, and thanks to a good PAPA. He is right on time, all the time. Everything else is gravy. Its a good day to be alive. Its a good day to CONTEND with the things you need to contend with….do it. Warrior women, thats what you are. Everone’s journey is different, and I am opening my eyes to all the warriors around me…whoa, overwhelming. Overwhelming love, and overwhelming boldness coming out of you, its just downright….inspiring. Ok, I am off to hip hop, where I intend to dance before the Lord with all my might ( ok, I’ll give some instruction, too) but mostly I will dance. I will dance for joy, and I will dance for the joy that is still to come, I will dance for children on their knees, and baby warriors being born every day ! Praise the King people…DANCE !

 Ok. Open your mind. There…thats better. I have been met with a little resistance to the idea of jewelry parties. I get it. Some of you are busy, tired, or just plain think that its cheesy. Me too. I always think that before I go, but actually, I always end up having a great time. Mostly because, I love other women. I love swapping war stories about our kids, and sharing stories of blessings too. Sometimes I think we forget to take a step back, and look at the woman behind the party, whatever the product may be….whether its makeup, skincare, or….jewelry. That woman has a family, a purpose,a….story.  So, as I embark on this funny adventure…I would ask you not to judge harshly, and not to say no, without REALLY considering it. I have a story, a family, and a they are my reason for doing this.