I made the greatest dip the other day. No fanfare, or photos…just a great dip. One container of sour cream, I bag of Shredded cheese, chives, and crumled bacon. Serve with corn chips. GOOOD. Things I am loving in an outrageous way. Here we go….Well, Thomas, of course, and colored lights….holiday jazz…

these things ……here. From the Sundance catalog !!

That’s it …..my style, I think I have finally figured it out. It’s Boho Glam. I like natural things, with a little twist of glamour mixed in. Anyone else have trouble figuring out your style ? Are you classic, or are you romantic ? Edgy, or sporty…hmmm, think about it, the new year is coming. Could it be time for a new you ? Minimalist, or over the top…whatever it is, figure it out, and GO FOR IT !!

That’s all. I’m in the shopping mood, it will pass. The money has all been spent on my little sugar plums.

I can’t wait to see their faces ! This post has been scattered, and a little unfocused, welcome to my day. Maybe tomorrow, I will write about something with some kind of purpose. Hmmmm. maybe not.

 The first birthday phone call my mom got today was the one telling her that her brother overdosed last night. He is in intensive care. Happy birthday. Sometimes, thats just how life is. The good news….we talked for a while, and by the end we were laughing, and looking forward to her birthday dinner tonight. Sometimes, thats just how life is.

                             Happy birthday Mama. I love you, with each year that goes by, I realize how hard the job of parenting is, and I want you to know how much I appreciate the hard work you have put in. It’s so easy for some to judge, sort of ridiculous isn’t it ? Anyways, I hope today that you feel the warmth of your family’s love for you, even though its FREEZING outside. I hope that we reflect the joy that you have given us, even though there is sadness. The JOY has to be bigger, its the joy that makes you strong. Remember that. Not joy that comes from circumstances, but the joy that comes from somewhere deep down,the seed of joy that has been  covered and protected, even through the worst of times, by your FATHER himself, with his huge hands. I love you, I love you. Happy Birthday…..oh what the hell?? Happy EVER DAY !! made you smile, didn’t I ?

This was a double rainbow, we saw it as we came down the mountain in Brevard. Double RAINBOW, DOUBLE PROMISES KATHERINE. Praying for you today, reminding the LORD, bending his ear. I love you my friend.

I just can’t get this image out of my mind. A picture is worth a thousand words, and one day in HIS courts are better than thousands anywhere else. He sees my stained fingers and adorns them with jewels anyway. He sees his BEAUTIFUL BELOVED, and this picture of my neice, with her berry stained fingers wearing my ring brought that to my heart in a new way today.

  The holidays, Holy Days…as I like to call them, are under way over here. We went to the parade today, and officially started our season off ! It’s not that great of a parade, but sometimes you just have to DO something, and so we went. We FROZE !! Now we are home, fire is roaring, Adam is studying, the little ones (i know, they are really not that little) are snugly tucked into their beds, laundry is going (monday is my laundry day, and it makes me feel like I have a head start if I do a couple of loads on sunday night.) and we are alright. What a great, restful and yet productive weekend it has been. I feel peaceful, and that is priceless.

                  Isaiah gets to go to the holiday shop at school tomorrow, I will give him a few dollars to buy each one of us a gift, and he will painstakingly pick something out. Without a doubt, these are my FAVORITE gifts of all. The holiday shop makes me so happy. Hopefully, we will hear from the pediatric cardiologist tomorrow concerning his irregular heartbeat, and that too, should give me some peace.

               Isabelle…..hmmmmm, she is moving right along. Suspended in time, at least for now. American Girl dolls take up a lot of her time, and that is just fine with me. I am digging her right now. She is funny and full of herself, and yet somehow is capable of a contrite heart, when she needs to have one.

          Adam. It should not be possible to grow as fast as he is. Everywhere he goes girls are paying too much attention to him, at least for my liking. He is still blinded with love for me, but my days are limited. He is preparing to try out for soccer and the debate team. I think he is getting back on track, where his school work is concerned. I signed him up for his SAT !!

      Sidney seems to be doing good, she is looking forward to her trip to Germany, we gave her luggage for Christmas. It seemed like a real grown up gift. Still hard to think of her that way, but we are getting there. She is strong, and she is figuring out how to BE who she is. It happens to the best of us.

       Thomas….ohhhhhh, my honey, he is working hard, and taking care of all of us. He wore the hat that reminds him of his dad to the parade today. He really misses his Dad these days, I love that about him. He sang the greatest song about Isabelle today while he was in the shower. It goes something like this…….Oh Belle, you make me yell…oh Belle…it never fails, you make me yell, and sometimes say hell, oh Belle…I say go up the stairs, yes up, to the top Belle go Belle, now Belle !! Oh Belle, why do you make me yell??

Anyways…thats the update, from my family to yours. Goodnight.

 I am aware of my blessings….I count that as one of the great things about me. Hahahahahaaha ! Yesterday I met with a co-worker, a cheerleader for me, who is becoming a friend. I stayed too long, talked too much, she blessed me in so many ways, but the biggest blessing was just in seeing that there are still people LISTENING to the voice of the Lord. Even in this wilderness, that we call the world, HIS voice rings true. She heard him, obeyed him, and blessed me and my family. I am grateful.

                   A few other blessings that I am acutely aware of today…..

• a husband who thinks that I am the most beautiful woman in the world, despite the reality that I am not.
• two sons who pretty much think thesame thing.
• a daughter who looks up at me with admiration in her eyes.
• a warm home
• big jobs, small jobs….jobs
• sisters that are amazing
• a mother that loved us, and nurtured us, despite not being nurtured as a child herself.
• a best friend who knows me, and loves me unconditionally.
• a teenage daughter who seeks me out for advice
• a new relationship with that teenage daughter, the kind that only distance can provide…
• of course….the GOD that came to earth as a baby among the poorest to set a plan in motion that would rescue me and mine, love us for all time.

  In retrospect, I should have done this blogging thing anonymously. But, I didn’t. I wanted to be transparent, flaws and all. That was the point. It isn’t some kind of forum for parenting advice, God knows….I am no authority on that, I don’t really know anyone that is, actually. And, this isn’t a fashion blog either. I do love fashion, but it rarely inspires me to write, or sing, or paint….so, one must surmise that I am really not that passionate about it. Also , not a spiritual blog . There are elements of all of these things in my blog, because it’s about my life. My life. I have an interesting life, and I have a million stories, from the past,and the present. I want to write, but I am just not interested in the FAKERY. I am not going to post photos of the food that I am preparing tonight, its 5:22 and I have no idea what dinner is going to be. I am not going to say how well-behaved my kids have been today, if in fact , they have not, and I am NOT going to pretend that I get up every morning, put on skinny jeans, and Lia Sophia jewelry, and whistle while I work….I don’t.  I fight against isolation, and self pity, self flagellation(beating one’s self up), more than I want to admit. I will not lie to you, and say that this love affair that Thomas and I are in is without rough patches….that would be TOMFOOLERY, for sure. Its the same with the LORD, I love HIM, I KNOW HIM, am having a love affair with HIM…..also rough patches. accusations, doubts, fears, tears…..all on my part, of course.

                 I just want to be real. I am well on my way. This blog is easier, because you can’t see me. My heart…yes, my face…no. Day to day life is harder. It shouldn’t be, and I am still working on it.  And so, I will start again. Pouring my heart out, writing about things that I think affect women, young, and old. I would encourage to to be real to someone today. COME OUT of HIDING, let someone in on something that you have been thinking, or feeling. Or go out without your spanx people….swim without a lifevest, jump without a net….BE REAL. STOP THE FAKERY.

  I am not …beaten one, or lonely one, for that matter. The Lord has not called me…exhausted one. I am not overwhelmed,or underpaid one, nor am I desolate, or deprived one. The name…unloved one has never entered HIS mind. I am not sad and cynical one. I AM NOT. HE has not called my name depressed, or even oppressed one. I have not been called angry, or alone….not by my FATHER, the one who has written my name upon the softness of his palm.

                  HE has called me LOVED, cherished, and adored. Joyful one is the name on his lips when he thinks of me. Patient, and forgiving one, clever, and courageous one. Mother to the children of my heart, gracious, and slow to anger. Triumphant….one with the shining face….yes, HE has called my name, and I will answer him.

  I am feeling you Lord. Right here, in my chest, no…my stomach. Okay, both. Every breath I take, I feel you. I know who I am, and I hear you. You put people in my path, some to love on me, and some to be loved on BY me. I’m feeling you. I refuse to go on auto pilot with you, I WILL enter in. I will. In order to feel you. I went to church this morning. I arrived with some guilt that I had not been there in a couple of weeks, but then I was reminded that I AM THE CHURCH…the temple. I AM the place where your name can be seen. Oh yeah…I’m feeling you. Thank you.

 I am thankful for….

• redeeming love
• fizzy drinks
• my sister’s babies
• the way my mom ALWAYS has my back, even when I’m wrong.
• music that moves me
• snoring dogs
• passion
• rare moments of transparency from people
• the chance to say Im sorry, when I  am wrong.
• the way Isabelle loves me.
• honesty, even when I don’t want to hear it.
• each day that I have with my kids, even when they are fighting, fuming, and yelling…
• the love affair that I am STILL having with my husband.
• humor
• dance, and the one who inspires it.