Heightened Senses, and such.

I could write a book about all the things that I have learned in my first two weeks as a full time working mother.  But I won’t, at least not tonight.  I have learned some very trivial things, like, the fact that I CAN get up early, And I can walk in heels. Both very important, and nothing to do with this post. I’ve learned that it feels good to have some purpose outside of my home, and it feels good to have people say that I am smart, and capable. Really good, in fact. Mostly, I’ve learned just how much I love my kids. I have missed them like crazy. When I get home, the hours that we have together are like gold to me. I want to hear their stories, EVERY detail (this wasn’t always the case before), and I want to hold them, and stare at them.  It’s as if my senses are heightened. No joke.  And that is worth the getting up early, the late night laundry…all of it. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for our transition, we are doing great.

A family that we met when we lived in Fort Mill lost one of their treasures this week.  He was 23.  He was a violinist,  he was a student, a son, and a friend.   And he is gone.  I am praying, and praying, and believing that the peace they need is coming. This too,  has made me acutely  aware of my children, my life.  It’s so good.  Even in the struggle, it’s good. So tonight will be the night of a thousand kisses, and snuggles , and sweet words.  And somehow in the hustle and bustle, I will try to hold on to these heightened senses of mine. goodnight.

And goodnight to Jonathan Dailey’s  family, may all the prayers of all the people that you know, and don’t know cover you, and keep you.

the written word.

I got a job.  A full time job.  Talk about a shock to the system.  I am tired mentally, and physically.  I have been in pjs all day today ….just because I can be.   I have worried about the transition a lot.  That is putting it mildly, I have obsessed about how the kids will do, and how the house will run. So far …so good.  I had an idea to get a notebook for Belle, and one for Z.  I write in this notebook every night before bed, and then leave it out in the kitchen for them to read when they get home from school the  next afternoon. It has a list of things for them to do, get a snack, start homework, take out the trash….and then I write a paragraph or so asking about their day, telling them that I can’t wait to get home,  and see their faces, and to write me back if they want to.  So far Belle has written both days, Z none.  Shocking.  Not really. I’m not sure the notebooks mean anything to them yet, but they mean everything to me. There is power in the written word. The power to speak to their spirits even though I’m not with them. There is power in showing them that you have the time to sit down and write, even though you don’t get to come for the field trip.  That notebook goes a long way toward easing my mommy guilt. I recommend it, even if you don’t work.  Sometimes you can be far away even when you are at home.

The husband of a dear friend of mine wrote her a poem. He is not a poet, or a writer, but his spirit is connected to the LOVER above all other lovers, and he listened to his heart, and wrote the most beautiful love letter. There is power in the written word. Power, and healing, and…hope.