cried myself to sleep last night, waited to hear you say ‘its gonna be alright”.

                               woke up to a new day, found my voice, had my say.

                      its not easy, being broken, its not  easy, being broken

              walked out of darkness until I could see some light

                             its not easy, being broken, its not easy , but it feels right.

beautifully broken before you….yeah…bowed down and broken before you.

It has been a weekend of ridiculousness. Yes, I said that. There have been emotional highs and lows that have my head spinning. Some things that I can’t talk about yet and others that I will most likely never talk about.

                      One thing that has my heart torn into pieces is ….Victoria. She is a little girl who lives in Charlotte, she is 6 years old. We heard about her in Dec of 2006. The day after Christmas she fell down and had to go to the Dr. come to find out, she had a tumor at the base of her spine, it was a rare cancer for someone her age. My kids and I started praying for her daily, and we believed that the cancer would have no choice but to release its hold on her. When we moved to charlotte in June of 2007, I had the opprotunity to go to Victoria’s house and help out. I was supposed to be babysitting her 1 year old brother, but Victoria was interested in me and followed me around the entire day. She has a lot of spunk and she tests everyone to see if they wil treat her normal, or if they wil baby talk her and give in to whatever she demands. She is brilliant. I came home that day mentally nd physically exhausted, my eyes were bloodshot, my back was hurting, my heart was hurting. I was meeting one of my best friends after this in her classroom. She was drawn to the story and to this little girl, she began tutoring her as soon as she was well enough.

                            We have since moved back to Greenville, and moved on with our busy lives. Victoria is never far from my thoughts. I get updates on her on a weekly basis, the kids continue to ask about her and pray about her. We celebrate her victories as if she was our next door neighbor. The past 2 years have been good and bad, there have been promising days and dark days. Last night when I got home from an uplifting time of worship with my kids, I had an update waiting for me on the computer. Victoria danced in her first dance recital on saturday night and enjoyed the time of her life. Sunday morning, she collapsed at church, unable to talk or use the left side of her body. They took her in right away. The dr. has found what seems to be a tumor on her brain, she had a stroke. She is 6 years old. Will you stop what you are doing and pray with me right now ? Will you?

            Abba, it is not too late. You speak life into being every day. Come. We lift Victoria’s body up to you and we cry, are you listening ? Healer of every broken thing touch this little girl and hold her today. cancer we call you out of the dark place that you hide, you have held on to her and we say release your grip. You cannot stand in the face of the Healer, let go you evil beast. Gods own son died that we might be free, free from disease and death. I believe. Amen.

Would some of you out there please pray for her parents ? Thank you for reading this, its hard and its sad, but we are the body and the bride, this is what we do.

you can read her story at……www.caringbridge.org/visit/victoriamartinsen

On the edge of what ? I can’t say exactly, but I know it’s something. Here is what I do know, I am up here on the edge, and I am going to let myself fall.

We found Moses at the pound. He was friendly and calm. Our children were small at the time, and these seemed like the most important characteristics for our dog to have. What we got was so much more. Moses is a wise old soul, we know what his voice sounds like ,and use it frequently when talking to him or about him. The children spend hours looking into his eyes trying to figure out what mysteries of the universe he is thinking about.

         Adam in particular loves Moses, they play a game called”king of heads” where they rub heads seeing who will move first. Moses will allow you to lay on him like a pillow and he is really happy about it. You know that you have won Moses’ heart if when you stop petting him, he puts his huge paw on you and begs for more.

He is missing a few teeth and therefore, his tongue hangs out the side in a comical way. We love moses. He is a great dog. He lives inside, due to a mis-diagnosis of cancer 3 years ago. He NEVER goes to the bathroom in the house and is always happy to see us when we come back from anywhere.

P.S. this is Ava in the background, she frequently goes to the bathroom in the house and does not really like the kids….she doesn’t understand why we let them or Moses live here.

There is something about this boy. And this picture captures it. When he is around everything else is just slightly out of focus. There once was a little man…he grew inside of me, I am in love with this little man, surely you can see, this little man, I like to call him…Z.

Its Friday ! Its Friday ! I get off at 12 on Friday ! Its Friday, its my day, I’m happay !! Let me hear you say WHOA !

                     Do you know what tis means ? It means sleeping late tomorrow, and it means watching Isabelle speed down the soccer field and take it to the goal ! It means cooking out and lounging. I love the weekends so much more, now that I am a working woman.

That which does not kill you makes you stronger

Ok…we are in a funk over here,the Butcher and I. We have both been working so hard between our jobs and the kids….we’re tired. We both work for the family business, which is commercial and residential construction. Needless to say, things are not going so well. We have been praying for houses to sell for 2 years now. It gets hard to keep the faith. Thats honesty, in case you don’t recognize it. We need SUPERNATURAL FAITH. The kind that doesn’t come from us…the kind of faith that is a gift from the HOLY SPIRIT of GOD.

                  We are bogged down right now in our humaness, but we are getting stronger on the inside… I feel like we are in a fight for our lives, and I want to be full of faith instead of full of fear. That is what I want right now.

that and this…..a quiet sunset.

This is what I want my spirit man (the spirit inside me), to look like. He is strong and ready for battle. I think we all know how much work it would take to look like this, so why do we(I) complain when our spirit man is weak and lethargic ? Why do we(I) lament when I am not seeing supernatural strength in ANY area of my our(my) lives?  If I want my spirit man to be ripped and ready, then I have to work him out, feed him the right things, and give him the opprotunity to build muscle. My flesh man feels like sitting around eating donuts. NOT GOOD PEOPLE. My flesh man could not stand up for one minute to the battles raging in my life right now. Its a job for my spirit man alone….so I am resolving to get him in shape, whatever it takes.

PS. I use this illustration for my kids too, I hope you did not find it too juvenile. Sometimes its the simple things that it takes the longest to learn. Go pump some spiritual iron !

Has anyone seen these two women ? I haven’t. I have heard that they are really fun and funny, that they love to pray and sing. I would like to see them. Sometimes life gets in the way of our plans, and sometimes God re-orders our dreams. Either way, if you bump into them, pass on this message,”miss you, love you,need you…you are the peanut butter in my reecy cup and the ranch on my pizza.