Tag Archives: women

Posted in diary of a wife by

Ok ya’ll.  I say ya’ll because this is South Carolina, and that was how I was raised.  I like it. Tonight,  I’m going to let it fly.  Random thoughts.  I don’t know if this post will ever see the light of day, but oh my, how I have missed you. It’s 8:30 , I’m eating nachos (gasp), I still have on every part of my work costume, from the earrings to the shoes….I came in to a storm of  he said, she said…where is she ? Can I go here ? He hurt my feelings. Thomas is working on at least 4 things at one time, and I think…aaahhh work was nice.  Just kidding.  Now that I work, I live for the weekend.  It’s solid gold to me. Even cleaning is a pleasure.  God, I miss Erin. (i mean that as a prayer).  Thomas has been so good since the whole work thing, keeping it all together, thats a gift of his.  And I am grateful.  Keeping it together….not my gift. Tearing it apart ? yes, can do….causing  a scene, losing all hope ? Yes, and yes.  Again, I say, I am grateful to him. I love him.  BUT…..since I am letting it fly, I thought I’d write a letter.

Dear friend that could’ve been, but is not,

Why do you make me feel like I am not worth your time ? My heart is good, and real. My stories are funny, and my advice right on. You don’t actually have it all figured out. I give up. No more liking your photos on facebook, fake air kissing at church, my heart is done. I wish you well, but I won’t sit around wondering why you don’t give me the time of day.

Signed,

the best friend you never had.

Please don’t take offense at this. It’s real. That’s all. I’m venting, and letting my fingers fly. I am a daughter ( not the best, looking back), a sister ( selfish), a wife ( hard to deal with  at times), a mother (all in…to a fault), and a friend (loyal, sensitive, over analyzing, sweet, sad) , to some.

Time for P.J. ‘s….this week has lasted a year, and my head is full.  Man-child is at the football game, and the littles (who are not little) are playing a game of RISK with their dad.  And there you have it.

 

 

 

 

 

start with me.

Posted in diary of a wife by

Practicing what I preach is a concept that has never come easy to me. I can clearly see what my kids need to do , and I am quick to tell them. (ask them, they will not deny it).  Adam is feeling like the Lord doesn’t speak to him, well, that’s easy son….go to HIM, draw close, and he will answer.  Isaiah feels like he is not enough, not worthy…ok then, let’s bless your spirit with the truth, the only truth…what Father says about you. Simple.  Belle is having girl problems, feeling less than, and in general friendship tribulations. What do I say ? You have to be a friend to have a friend. Be kind, don’t take their words, or lack of words personal. They don’t mean to hurt you. This advice… I don’t take, listen to, or accept.  At the ripe old age of 38,  I still am a work in process when it comes to friends.  I over analyze, I feel left out…and I withdraw. So today, I am asking. Lord- START WITH ME. Keep on giving me the wisdom to teach my kids, but start with me. Repair my heart where it is wounded, so that my words would be truth to them.  Bring change, bring understanding, and belief, start with me.

On my own almost grown girl is having nightmares.  She is haunted by the very things that she has allowed into her mind.  My advice, turn from those things, repent, start over…again, and again, you can do it every day.  She is doubtful, unbelief is all over her face.  She is no different than me when I doubt, I just happen to be more seasoned at coming back to you Lord. And so, I pray that as you start this work with me, that it would overflow into her. That faith would begin to trump doubt, that peace would reign over chaos, and most of all…that love would slap the face of fear. Start with me,  start here.

Stuff happens.

Posted in diary of a wife by

   And by stuff, you know what I mean. Friends get sick, friends move away, you don’t get invited where you want to go, you get behind in home school, you speak harshly to your 12 year old daughter, even though you know that every moment you have with her matters so much right now. You decide to give up. And then you realize you can’t give up. You are the Mom. The captain of this ship…the one that feels like it’s taking on water. Turn around, sit down…I was trying to do this alone again.

              Gently, I am reminded, I am a CO-Captain, I am not alone. And why is it so easy to forget the great stuff that happens ? My size 14 shoe wearing son still snuggles me, kisses me bye, and protects my heart the best he can on a daily basis. My 12 year old STILL runs wild and free, she is still a child. She has dirty feet, and tangled hair. She wants to sit in my lap, counter-cultural, indeed. And of course, It is ridiculous to think that in my moments of weakness, I could forget, my youngest. He comes up to me and announces – this is going to be the looonnggest kiss. Lips on mine, puppy breathe…How could the other sh%@ matter ? Because I am flesh. And when it comes right down to it, I’m just a girl. I want, and I need, I imagine, and I fall short. But I am still here. And my heart is still soft enough for the gentle nudges that come from the Lord. All I have to do is get quiet, and give in to him.