This might just be my favorite week of the entire year. I am caught, suspended….between the end of one year, and the beginning of another. Anything is possible. Organize the house ? Sure ! Get the budget on track ? Absolutely ! Be a better wife, mother…friend ? No problem.

This week, between Christmas, and New Years reminds me that grace reigns. His grace is sufficient for me. His grace puts yesterday out of sight, and brings tomorrow into focus . Resolutions are good, but they don’t reign. Grace reigns here, in my home….in my heart. And so, with grace as the driving force, I resolve to be better…a better friend, sister, fighter, lover, writer, and mother. I resolve to let love shine the light, more than I let fear keep me in the dark.

I’m caught in the middle, between old and new…but next week is a whole new ballgame.

Love is not selfish. It gives, and forgives. Love is not dark, or even shady. It has a light that shines so bright, that the darkness has to look away. Love bends, but does not break, it gets shaken…but never lets go. LOVE PRAYS. Love is not without Hope . Love is coming for you.

Today I started thinking about how much I would love to see the little kids from our church dressed like Mary, and Joseph, the wise men, and shepherds, and yes….maybe even some livestock. It wouldn’t have to be a big production, just a manger scene with scripture reading, and finished off with O come let us adore him. I can’t remember when I’ve seen anything like this. I love the modern church, but I don’t think you have to trade in ALL traditional aspects.

Oh well, maybe I will convince my kids to put on a play. The last time they did it, Isaiah was 2, and his only line was….NO ROOM ! He took it very seriously, and still remembers it.

Its not easy to get them to quiet their minds and think about that very first Christmas, there are so many distractions in our world today.

So Lord, I ask for quiet moments …to think.

and AHA moments….to realize.

and humble moments….of adoration. For me and mine. So come, come and let us adore you even now.

This whole blog is very spur of moment, seat of my pants…a wing and a prayer. Some funny, some painful, but altogether real life. Today I was out shopping, and was just struck by how little eye contact women use with each other. I have felt like no matter where I am this holiday season, that I am supposed to make eye contact and say…Merry Christmas. It’s harder than it sounds. It’s brings vulnerability, and most of us don’t want that. Especially when we are out and about with our made up faces,  and skinny, Ive got it all together, jeans on. Give it a try. Look another woman in the eye, smile, and say Merry Christmas.  That is step one. Here is step two…a little harder. Bless a woman’s spirit sometime during this season. Everyone of us is spirit inside, some know it, and some don’t. Let YOUR spirit lead you to the woman that you should bless. She might be older, or younger than you. She might be prettier than you…this makes it more difficult, and more rewarding (for you). She might be your daughter, or your mother, maybe even your sister. You might not know her at all….you can still bless her. It can be face to face, although uncomfortable, you will never regret this choice. It might be on facebook , or by text….this is the 21st century !  God created all of her parts and pieces , she is beautifully made, and most likely needs to know it. Bless her spirit by telling her. The gift is in how much YOU will be blessed in return. Your spirit woman will thank you.

It just doesn’t feel quite real this year. Maybe it’s not cold enough, and maybe I’ve just been too busy to stop, and think about why Christmas happens.  It is about a gift. A most generous, and thought provoking gift. And so, as I wrap, and wrap, and wrap, and as I rush from here to there, getting it done, I will think about the baby that became a man. I will think about the God that became flesh, the death that gave life….the gift . Now, that’s better….it IS beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

The word normal is never really going to fit our clan. Oh well….a new ABnormal. Sidney has moved back in, and that is good. Thomas has jumped from selling Christmas trees right into a new job ! It was so fast. A blessing for all of us. Adam is recovering, and in fact, gets his stitches out tomorrow. The two little ones are being surprisingly good, and for that I am so grateful. Seriously, people. I have PMS, and on the week before Christmas…..which leads me to my next, very random point. My husband has started reading a blog. No, not mine…another woman’s blog. He finds it so funny that he laughs out loud. It is a little bit offensive, and a whole lot real. It’s called http://peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.blogspot.com/   . I think I am just as funny, HOWEVER, my blog is policed by my husband, who likes to say – are you sure you want to say that? Hmmm. Strikes me as odd, that he finds so much pleasure in this other woman’s sarcasm. I guess mine is just a little too close to home.

FYI….there are some people I’d like to punch in the throat. Well, maybe punch is too harsh a word, let’s just say there are some people I’d like to POKE in the throat.  Fine, I will list a few.

• the lady at the pta meeting who raises her hand 32 times to ask – what happens if my child gets to school, and then realizes that her socks don’t match ? Thank you lady, I was hoping someone would ask that.
• the teenager in line behind me and my kids at wal-mart, who thinks it’s funny to say what the f*&%$, and giggle like a hyena……..hilarious.
• the family member, who without fail, is nice to only ONE of my kids….this drives me nuts, and I’m sure she knows it.  rude.
• the lady at the hair salon that wouldn’t acknowledge me as I told her how to cut my son’s hair, she would speak only to him , and then he would look at me , and I would tell him what to tell her, even though she was standing right there ….ignoring me.

• The man in the car beside me, who stares, even though his wife is in the passenger seat. Ok, that one would get a punch.

There are so many more, but I just wanted to give a few examples…oh, yeah …of course, the mommies on facebook, who list their accomplishments on a daily basis as if the rest of us really want to know how productive you were today. Good for you, just seems a little condescending to the rest of us, me….who are yelling, sweeping, pouring milk into cereal, recording real housewives….all at the same time, wow ! I do get a lot done !

As you can see, I hope, this was meant to be cute. Mostly. No hate mail please.

Yesterday was the longest day of my life. Glad it’s over.  Almost grown on my own girl has come back home. Baby steps, are all we can manage, but in the end…you don’t leave them stranded. Enough said about that.

Christmas number crunching, and re- crunching, and then shopping. Little lion boy calls from school, tummy hurts. I convince him to stick it out. Carline two hours later , and then on to pick up big-eyed little girl from glee rehearsal. Home again, to a lovely dinner of turkey pepperonis and carrots, with a side of pizza rolls. Change my clothes, find everyone else’s, including almost grown on my own girls, who showed up with nothing….out the door, hurry ! Glee time. The concert was great, my baby girl is so charming. Dad had to drive separately, so he could go back to the tree lot and shut it down for the night. Man-child decided to ride with him. Home again…pjs and hot chocolate, study for lion boy’s science test.

Someone is yelling my name, sounds serious, dad is on the phone …needs you. Thomas’ voice, accident, he is hurt…what ? What is he saying ? Who is hurt ? Knowing all the time who he is talking about….my man child. Heart pounding , fear…which brings anger, rushing out the door.

I hope you could follow that, that is exactly what I remember. And then I saw him. I smiled, and then I cried. Adam was playing a game in the dark at the tree lot and ran eye first into a piece of iron in the ground ( the ones for holding up trees ), it should have had a tree on it, but it didn’t.  I wanted to shout at my husband, I wanted to jump on him, and pound my fists into his chest , like you see in the movies.  But then I saw his face…he was so sorry. He loves this man child just as much as I do. It was an accident, and the Lord was watching over us.  Adam got 3 stitches, he is swollen and in pain, but his vision was spared, his eyeball in tact.  A real Christmas miracle.  When I saw the injury, I could not believe that his actual eyeball had not been sliced, and with it, all his airforce  dreams.   He is recovering at home today, and I am hiding my heart from all of the what-ifs.  Life goes on.  This life, the beautiful strife.

This morning, I read an article about Dads and daughters. I cried, and I cried some more. So naturally, what do I do ? I tell my husband to read it. We have two daughters. One is 19, and out of the house, and the other is 11, and is most definitely, in the house. The article touched on so many important things, things that are easy to forget when you are in the thick of parenting. My husband cried too. And one of the things that I love about him, is that he didn’t stop reading out loud, he just kept right on, tears streaming, voice cracking….me laughing. It broke us open.

Little big- eyed girl (11),  is growing fast, and we both needed this reminder about just how magical she is.  Almost grown on my own girl (19),  needs to know that she has a home, and that in our hearts, she is still …little twinkling blue-eyed girl.

Time flies, and so many choices have been made out of fear.  We get to start over every day.

I am blessed that my girls have a Daddy, that is better than what I could’ve asked for, and that’s because of my Daddy, my Abba….who gives me the desire of my heart, before I even know it’s there.  He is just that good.

Some folks say that if you ask, seek, and knock…you will find.  But I have found… that you chase me , you search me out.  And, in fact, you promised me that you would.

Some folks say that this world is going downhill , and that good is fading fast…

But I have found that you save me from the ghosts knocking on my door, from the wolves… who always want more, and from the brokeness , that leaves me unsure.  And in fact, you promised me that you would.

Some folks say that your mind is made up. But I have seen you change it , when your heart is  undone , moved by compassion for your daughters, and sons…changed, just like you promised you would.

Some folks say ….you’ve forgotten because I’ve gone astray. But I have found, you know me by heart, and you remember me. In fact, you promised me that you would.

Some folks say, you can’t go home again, but I have found the path beautifully lit by you. Just like you promised I would.

some folks say that I’m hanging on by a thread, but I know I am being held in your hand….just like you promised I would.

My little lion went to school. He has a friend coming home with him for a couple of hours, and it makes all the difference in the world.

We are not made to be alone….we run in packs, and apparently, the idea that you have someone….that someone is with you, and FOR you, is more powerful than anger, or fear. I am so thankful . A heart full of peace this morning. My God reigns.