confessions of a mom.

We are at the end of the school year.  There have been giant steps forward in my relationship with my youngest son. Our time homeschooling has been sweet, and incredibly frustrating at the same time.  I am feeling the pressure to get everything in , now that the year is almost done.  I know that it will be near impossible to get him to do school work when the other kids get out for summer. Problem is, it’s near impossible to get him to do it now.  Our relationship is better, HOWEVER, He is in his room now, and I am struggling to sort out my feelings of despair, and anger, love, and fear. He will not obey. Sound simple ? It’s not.  Before you start commenting on parenting skills, please understand….we have tried everything. As a parent, when you are faced with a child who simply refuses to comply with what you ask him to do…it is maddening.   Isaiah has many different ways of reacting to guidance, discipline…or simple requests. He might yell and get angry, or he might cry like his heart is breaking, or my least favorite…holding his hand over his ears, and just refusing to listen to any one’s voice.  Okay, here is where you think- maybe there is a learning problem, or an emotional problem…maybe. He is extremely social, he could play with friends all day, as long as everything goes his way, everything is ok. No exaggeration, if he is watching tv, and I say ok, time to go pick up the kids, he will flat out refuse to go if he doesn’t want to. So, at that point, I can punish him, if I can get him to listen, or I can give in. I am sorry to say that I have given in too many times to count. I confess to being exhausted. I confess to not knowing if he has a real problem, or if he is strong willed, and spoiled, I confess to reading every parenting book I can find, and believing that it will be the SOLUTION.  And I confess that today the Lord said, stop this cycle. He gave me a clear path…tell Isaiah what you expect, and what’s going to happen if he disobeyes, or refuses.  I confess my disbelief that this will work, mainly because I couldn’t get him to sit down, and listen to those words.  I confess that this child of my heart, hurts me, and I hurt him.  I confess that I am willing to do anything for him.  So Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief.

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