Nothing feels easy right now. Nothing feels simple. Even small things feel BIG. My words and decisions all seem life-threatening, life-changing. My parenting, my marriage, even my friendships, feel a little shaky. I know that I have an instruction booklet in the WORD. Still. How do I do it ? How do I love, like you love ? WHEN ,will I love like you love ? How much longer until you push my flesh aside, and come bursting out ? I am waiting, and I don’t want to stand in your way, but I do. I know that I am being stripped down, broken open, taken to a place ,where I have to draw from you. Doesn’t make it any easier. Doesn’t make me any nicer.
At the core of me, this woman before you…. I want to love you, and be loved by you. I want to give love like you did, and find power in being meek. I don’t think that I am succeeding. I know that you know me, and you love me still. I know that you see me Holy, and call me lovely….but what of them ? My husband ,and my children, my neighbors….how do they see me ? I don’t want to be a failure at this love thing….I need more help. Help me. Send me more instructions please.