I’ve been trying to figure it out.  I’ve been trying not to shout.  Over complicate, over  simplify ? All I know for sure is that it changes everyday.  Lead with love ? Yes, try to.  Accept all the bull that kids try to throw at you ? No. They have been robbed, born to parents who were robbed…broken world, you get the picture.  The goal, as I see it…would be to figure out what was stolen from you … the parent, and then lean into getting it back.  There will be a price, but it will be worth it to be wholehearted.  With your heart whole and your eyes focused on the kingdom of God in the present tense , you (and by you, I mean me) will be able to fight for your kids, and help them figure out what is missing , their birthright, peace and joy…fullness. It’s my first mission to be wholehearted, and second to parent my kids. Sometimes my husband talks about going somewhere adventurous, and I make it my business to remind him that we are in treacherous terrain everyday ! We are navigating through puberty, modesty, honoring, academics, sports, thirst and hunger of the spirit, not just the body, and an enemy that wants to eat us all alive.  (my dramatic nature is not what I have robbed of, as you can see) Landmines are cleverly disguised as normal teenage life. It’s no joke.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written, there are a ton of legitimate reasons, but the only one that matters is that I did not want to sound desperate, life has thrown a few curve balls at us, and I had to process on my own for a while. It is a new season for us. I am excited, but wise enough to know that even now, during their independent years… my kids need guidance, they need me to be wholehearted so that I can be powerful in my prayers for them.  It’s hard to parent from a place of brokeness.  It makes us cry out in desperation instead of leaning into God, and trusting him.  I have been crying this morning, and for too many years. I am ready to lean.