heart strings.

Pulled tight, sound sharp.

        stretched to the limit with too much give.

Is there a happy medium ? I would like to say –  since going back to work, but that would not be accurate.  So, I will say, since becoming a mother,  my heartstrings are always out of whack.  Or out of tune, or maybe that’s the way they are supposed to sound.  I’m home today.  Isaiah had his fifth ear surgery,  I’m so grateful that it’s only ear surgery, and I’m so pissed that it is still going on. This boy, this lion of mine, so strong, and still so young. It is impossible that he is about to be Eleven.

At this time of year in particular, I think of Mary. So young, and so strong. With heartstrings too.  My hero. The task of raising a man is hard enough, but raising the KING OF THE WORLD, knowing that you would let him go,  for love.  Gets me every time.

There are days when I am so confused, so heartbroken, so overwhelmed with all that we have on our plates. I hate those days, and I love those days.  It’s on those days that Abba whispers….you were made for this.  And so, my heartstrings play their song, a song that, at times does not seem melodious , or soothing , and that has yet to resolve the dissonance, but it is there, the song that my children respond to.  It’s why they snuggle me, seek me out, reach for my hand. It’s the song. It can be  sweet, out of tune and  with clashing harmonies at times, but it is ours. We were made for this.