Why is it that boys get eye lashes like this ?
Why is it that the Butcher can cook better than me ?
Why do I want ice cream at 10 pm every night ?
Why can’t I forget when I forgive ?
These are the things that I sit up at night thinking about….until I fall asleep, that is.
P.S. I updated the fashion page, check it out !
2 thoughts on “”
I have never shared this berfoe, and always been stuck with the deep well of bitter resent that comes when I look back on this period of my life. I am still looking for peace, I haven’t found it it but, I believe one day I will.I was young, married, with a small child who we would years later find out suffered from disabilities. I rarely set this child down. At night he would cry 4, 5 sometimes 7 hours, a screaming painful cry. Doctors had no answers. I was exhausted, my husband unable to handle the stress of this new world that had become our life was quickly becoming abusive, at first verbal and soon physical. Nights scared me. I did not have the tools or the support to deal with this. Every night I prayed LORD HELP ME. Looking back I was very faithful, and while I was not perfect I was obedient. Why did the LOrd not answers my prayers. The disertion I felt is indescribable, the loneliness and wondering. I listened at church to story after story of people who had, had their prayers answered. What I felt was silly trivial prayers, the rain stopped berfoe an outdoor reception, a found library book. I lived in constant fear, my child in constant pain. Why would God not answer my prayer? What more could I do? How much more could I take? I never felt like he was there? Where was my Heavenly Father?Fast forward years. My faith in God was gone. How could I believe in a God who would not answer my prayers. I was in the middle of a serious addiction. Gripped with the reality, that I would lose everything that I cared about if I did not face the music. I began to pray. Prayers that were from a lifetime ago. God save me, because I can not save myself. My prayers ran from one to another with a desperation that I knew to well. Will he hear me? I did not have the tools to deal with this. Quietly my prayers were answered. I felt a love that I had never experienced berfoe. I felt a strength that was not my own. I was lead to people who would help me. I learned to be gentle with myself because of a Father in Heaven who was gentle with me. He was a constant companion in a lost life.Why then would God not answer the prayers of a young mother who was doing all she could, yet answer the prayers years later of someone who was living so far from a faithful life?
I can feel your deep hurt, it comes through in your writing. I have faith that Abba, your papa…was there during the trial. I do not know why some prayers go unanswered. I do know that He hurts when we do, and even though you did not FEEL him, he was there. Somehow your SPIRIT survived, and when she was strong enough, she came forward. Please allow me to pray for you now.
I am blessing your spirit with the knowledge that she is stronger than she thinks. Come forward spirit, lead this daughter to her rightful place ….the Father’s lap. Give her courage in her journey, and the love and grace that can only come from a mother’s heart. Your grace is sufficient Abba, show yourself, reveal all of your love in little ways, and big ways. I am after your heart, WE are after your heart. We know that you are moved to action out of your compassion for us. Please step in. Answer the questions of your daughters heart, start the process today. Amen.
With love, I appreciate your story, and your questions.