When I am asked to share my story, I usually start with my 14th year, now referred to as the year of sorrows. But as I sit here very still and listen to the small voice inside. I know, my story started long before that.
What sets the stage for my story is not bad childhood memories ( though there are a few), it’s the LACK of memories that speak to me now. The lack of love, and lack of interest my daddy had for me. He wouldn’t have been able to tell you what books, or music I liked. I can never remember being told that I was smart, or funny, or that he was proud of me. And so, my broken heart started long before I learned to like boys.
This story isn’t really about my daddy , anymore than its about me. The story of the prodigal son isn’t about that boy, or his daddy. The stories, yours, and mine…they are about GOD. He is the main character. All of the details are simply arrows pointing straight to his heart.
At 14 , I gave parts of myself away, and I kept doing that for some years. God kept calling me though, he kept pointing me to his sweet son Jesus. And one day, I caught a glimpse of him, I heard his voice, and it was … warm. Yes, he had a warm voice. He told me in warm whispers that I was loved by him. I was sunk. I fell in love with him. There were songs, dances, and long walks. I was eager to be whole hearted. As much as I loved Yeshua, I could not get s grasp on GOD the Father. The one idea that my love was trying to point me to, and I had no understanding of a fathers love.
It has taken years, it has taken raising children, struggles , beautiful strife, and a true love affair with my husband, dark paths that seemed endless…. But I got it! My Abba brought it all up, the past, the pain, the beauty, the ashes, he layed them before me, and as he did, those things, so heavy inside me, became a crown . And with that, I let my Heavenly Father love me. He had lovingly revealed to me who I was as his daughter. I saw, and heard the depth of his love, the lengths that he would go to to call me to Him. Layer by layer he is revealing my story, the one where he is King, and I am princess.
Last year, he gave me the words Reign, and Esther. He was teaching me about my legacy. This New Years He gave me the word…Bird. He told me to fly, to prepare my nest, he spoke of songs, wings, and feathers. I don’t know what flying looks like, but I trust my Father. And so I am singing a song that I don’t know the words to yet, but the melody is in my heart. A song called… Hope. Be blessed in his absolute love for you .