cleaning out the closet….

            I took a few days off. Thinking about what to say. Some of my extended family members don’t really approve of this blog. It is too much information for them, seems that I have my head in the clouds, at least thats what I hear. But, this blog belongs to me ,and it is my story ,and my truth. There may be other characters in it from time to time, and those characters may not appreciate the truth being written down, but at least for now, this is still AMERICA.

                         Our life is like a movie right now. One of those deep, twisting, winding plot movies, with sub-plots going every which a way. Between the businesses, and the children, and extended family…we don’t know where to turn our attention first. Ok. I am going to do this. Its an update about the truth in our lives and our home right now. Warning….viewer discretion is advised, its not pretty.

  •   we don’t know from one week to the next if we are  getting a paycheck. (we are not the only ones, feels good to get that out from the inside of me.)
  • when I write something that I REALLY need to get out…my hands shake.
  • our 17 year old daughter moved out a week ago. (I am hurt, I am pissed, I am dissappointed and I am pulling out the copies of every covenant the Lord ever made with me, from my heart, reminding him of the promises spoken to parents who give their kids to him)
  • we have supportive and loving friends and family that are helping us re-define normal in our lives.
  •  we have one family member who drinks too much and calls us with venom spewing from her lips. ( if you don’t want people to say that you drink too much, then you shoudn’t drink too much. I know that from experience)
  • some people don’t know what it means to be a mother, they are somehow missing the sacrifice gene. The Butcher’s ex-wife is one of those people. and I am praying that before Sidney has children of her own, that she will break the cycle of selfishness that has been put into place by this woman.
  • I have not been a perfect mom, I know that. But I do believe that I have done the best that I could, with what I have been given.
  • I have not been the perfect wife, or daughter, or daughter in law, or sister for that matter. I NEVER will be. I am flesh and bone and sometimes reduced to ashes.
  • I love. and sometimes, that is not enough.
  • My 3 younger children are dealing with the fact that our life has changed, it was out of the blue for them, and altogether hard to wrap their minds around what it means.
  • We are going to be ok. Better than anyone, I know that redeeming love is real. The Lord picked me up from nothing, I offered my harlotry up to him and in return,he gave me LIFE. I am a new creation. I am not perfect, as is evident in this rant, but I am trying to be better.

2 thoughts on “cleaning out the closet….

  1. I admire you for saying what you need to say in spite of what others may think or say. I know how you feel. I also feel the need to write. But I censor myself a lot. Sometimes I hate that I feel the need to do so.

    The other day, I very nearly shut down my blog due to certain friends and family members reading and twisting the words to mean what THEY think they mean. I thought about it hard for half a day, and realized, I would only be running from a problem that would catch up with me again eventually. Our blogs are our thoughts and feelings and they allow others to see the real person inside, like it or not. I’d rather be real than hide myself away like I did for so long.

    Good for you. Keep writing.

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